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scandoval-reunion.jpg

The 'Vanderpump Rules' Reunion Generates Red Flags and Prime Soap Opera Drama

By Chris Revelle | TV | May 25, 2023 |

By Chris Revelle | TV | May 25, 2023 |


scandoval-reunion.jpg

What a show, what a finale, what a Scandoval! Frenemies, lovers, this is the reunion (part 1 of 3). The season is laid out on a slab and the cast is led in a post-mortem by Andy Cohen—King of White Gays, First of His Name. Because of Raquel’s restraining order against Scheana, we get dueling omega-shaped seating arrangements. See the Wet Seal delirium of the reunion looks!

Sometimes reunions are dull clip-shows, but this had some prime soap opera moments. Here are this week’s Red Flags:

Red Flag
In separate 1:1’s with Andy before the reunion (a VPR first!), Ariana and Sandoval reveal that he’s staying in the guest room of their house and I can’t imagine a darker space to be.

Red Flag
Sandoval recaps how the affair developed and his pissiness is so frustrating. He seems annoyed to be shunned which is his fault. Andy prompts a downcast Sandoval about whether he got off on doing this in plain sight and Sandy is like, me?! How dare?!

Red Flag
Andy really lets Sandoval have it and bluntly asks if he feels ashamed or regretful. Sandoval does some yadda-yadda about feeling like Ariana’s “gay best friend.” He should be so lucky!

Red Flag
After Andy calls the WeHo Legion of Doom (- Raquel, +Scheana ) to order, he immediately gets into Scandoval. The extraneous recaps of it are starting to feel like padding. Ariana is doing okay, all things considered. She’s in Revenge Dress mode.

Red Flag
Andy asks Sandoval how he’s doing. Sandoval shakily begins to speak before they all jump all over him for the weepy act. James has to be calmed down; he goes 0 to 100 on the male toxicity scale in a tantrum. Sandoval refers to the affair as something that “happened” and Ariana pushes back that it’s something he did.

Red Flag
Lauryn From Utah is wound up too! She claims Sandoval is a future Randall Emmett (her monstrous ex) and Lisa gently pushes back that she’s being ridiculous. Suddenly LFU is screaming “Shut the fuck up” a thousand times.

Red Flag
When Andy asks Sandoval why he didn’t come clean to Ariana, “DJ” James has a rage stroke, tossing a word salad to the effect that Sandoval has violated their brotherly bond. It is some obvious, sweaty work for screentime, but it’s effective: James and Sandoval get in each other’s faces and hurl accusations of borrowing condoms. Lisa’s “I think Ariana might be more important here…” is drowned out.

Andy herds James back to his chair. James immediately claims he needs to pee and walks off, calling Sandoval a “worm with a mustache.” James comes back after 5 seconds and Andy has to cuss him out a little to shut him up and sit him down.

Red Flag
Schwartz walks us all through when he learned what. He found out in July 2022 that Tom had confided in Raquel about his unhappiness with Ariana. When Schwartz begins to claim that he knew about the affair in August, Sandoval stops him and tries to correct him. Oops. Of course the Toms didn’t get their story straight!

Red Flag
Schwartz claims Sandoval disclosed the affair as a one-time, drunken mistake. Ariana confirms that Schwartz knew before they all went glamping together. The editors cut to Schwartz and Sandoval laughing way too hard at a joke about Raquel loving taken men.

Red Flag
We revisit Sandoval’s Miami Girl incident and wonder if he didn’t sleep with MG after all. Putting aside how strikingly obvious his pattern is, I wonder how Raquel views this. Like, cost/benefit analysis here: is it really worth dying on this hill for Sandoval?

Red Flag
We recap why THE KISS was such a bomb: Katie asked that Schwartz not fool around with anyone in their friend group. Even Schwartz admits it’s a reasonable ask, but then tries to shame Katie for… sleeping with other people? He could too, but gosh something about kissing Raquel was so liberating. Barf.

Red Flag
Andy points out that pretty much everyone in the room has cheated on everyone else, so doesn’t that make their fervor over Scandoval a little hypocritical? Andy kinda has a point, but since when has hypocrisy slowed this show down?

Red Flag
Schwartz and Katie go a few rounds about his “situationship” with Jo (former friend) in the wake of their divorce. Everyone jumps on Schwartz to claim he had a “fuckfest” with Sandoval and Jo during some trip to Big Bear. The whole thing devolves into layers of shouts and boos.

Red Flag
Andy asks the Toms about what took Schwartz and Sandy’s so long to open (it opened last November). Lisa is hurt that the Toms were so eager to ignore her guidance, especially after she showered them with cash and connections. Business is sagging due to Scandoval. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Red Flag
Ariana says that Lisa continuing to work alongside the Toms will mean they can’t be as close as they were. Speaking of Lisa-guided business, Something About Her is still not open, but they’ve sold plenty of merch!

Red Flag
Scheana tears up as she reflects on the ways that both Katie and LFU have bullied her and that this led her to feel protective of Raquel. LFU shrugs that adults can’t be bullied (???) then launches every missile in her arsenal at Sandoval. James, having gone 5 minutes without attention, shouts some nonsense about how he’s DONE before storming off set. If he doesn’t have 5 memes made off this, he’ll simply die!

We end as Andy promises tougher questions in parts 2 and 3. Till next week!

Red Flags: 16/♾️
Iconic Shot: The way everyone turned on Sandoval with a hunger when he claimed “it was just one time!” Like piranhas and fresh meat.

Chris Revelle shouts into the media void with his pals on Why Did We Watch This?