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Tell Your Disappointment to Suck It. I'm Doing a Bottle Episode.

By Dustin Rowles | TV | November 12, 2010 |

By Dustin Rowles | TV | November 12, 2010 |

Community (Grade: A)

  • “Are we going to the puppy parade or not, because this is starting to feel like a bottle episode.”

  • I wouldn’t do that. I hate bottle episodes. They’re wall to wall facial expressions and emotional nuance. I might as well sit in the corner with a bucket on my head.”

  • “Mother hen? I think we’re about the same age. / Sure, unless time is linear. / I’ll make your ass linear. / That doesn’t make any sense. / I’ll make your ass sense.”

  • “Tell your disappointment to suck it. I’m doing a bottle episode. “

  • (Jeff, asked if he has a bag) “I could never deprive the world the portion of my chest the strap would cover. “

  • (Abed, sarcastically) “I want to say thank you for doing this to me. For a while I thought I’d have to suffer through a puppy parade, but I much prefer being entombed alive in a mausoleum of feelings I can neither understand or reciprocate.”

  • “Are they seriously marketing pregnancy tests to black women?”

  • “I’m worried we’ve gone too far. This is how supervillains are created.”

  • “Can’t you just make an inspiring Winger speech about trust, throw in a few digs at an easy celebrity target, and put a ribbon on this thing?”

    30 Rock (Grade A-)

  • “OM God, those jeans are zing.” / “This online slang dictionary says it short for amazing. Or it’s a club drug made from a tooth whitener.”

  • “And Cable Town still has an auxiliary button on their remote. What does that do? It just makes the screen go blue.”

  • (Tracy) “As you know, I was in a film called Hard to Watch.

  • “If we have to have a government, make it as small as possible. Dwarves. Tiny buildings. Pizza bagels for lunch.”

  • “I trust awards shows. They tell me how much to care about different dead people.”

  • “If they could be bribed, I’d have won a Golden Globe for my Lifetime movie, Sister, Can You Spare a Breast.

  • (Re: the Youth Vote) “Our generation never votes. It interferes with us talking about ourselves all the time.”

  • “That movie gave me drunk-in-the-bathtub face.”

  • “You were right about Brooklyn without Limits. Crunch on the outside. Right-wing nutjob on the inside.” / “Like Ann Coulter’s underwear.”

  • “I’ll be furious. Like, waking up next to Rob Schneider furious.”

  • “Ah! Lesbian Mario Brothers!”

  • “Compromises are for lesser souls. Die, Werewolf Zombie!

  • “Letting morality get in the way of money?! I just oughta go be a … teacher.”

  • I don’t know what Tastetations are, but the Liz Lemon line about them provoked Mrs. Pajiba-hyphenate into a full half-hour of laughter.

    The Office (Grade: C-)

    “Wow, so much Asian stuff. I wonder if there’s a guy in China right now looking at a bunch of our stuff.”

    “Which one’s Glee?”

    Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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