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Tell the Drama Club Their Tears Will Be Real Today

By Dustin Rowles | TV | May 7, 2010 |

By Dustin Rowles | TV | May 7, 2010 |


Jesus Christ. Jesus! Christ! Last night’s post-apocalyptic paint war game for priority registration episode of “Community” was so fucking bad-ass it’s ridiculous. “Psych” has dared pay homage to a lot of genres during its run, but only Dan Harmon would dare to pay homage to last-man standing flicks. It brought in every cliche and trope imaginable, referencing — among others — The Book of Eli, Scarface, Boondock Saints, Rambo, The Matrix, “Friends,” “Cheers,” “Lost,” and even “Glee”, ending in a beautiful paint-ball Mexican stand-off and monster green-paint explosion. There were more movies and television shows referenced in 22 minutes than all of the Movie Movies. It was brilliantly inspired. Comedy-boner inducing. Nothing on any sitcom in 2010, 2011, or 2012 will top last night’s episode of “Community,” except maybe next week’s episode of “Community.” Warranted hyperbole, hyperbole, hyperbole.

Bask in its glory, y’all.

Oh yeah: Jeff and Britta totally boned, too. Repercussions to come.

If you have 22 minutes and didn’t see last night’s episode, do so. Now. I don’t care if you’re at work. I don’t care if you’re in a meeting with a client. Bring that client around to your side of the desk and show him this episode. He’ll thank you for it.

Parks and Recreation

“One Butt. Two Seats. The Widening of America.”

The gang had an all-night diabetes telethon on local access to raise money for the overweight. “Tonight, we hope the people of Pawnee dig their big chubby hands into their plus sized pockets and donate generously.” Former Indiana Pacer, Detlef Schrempf, had a guest stint. Tom had two light beers and made an ass of himself with Detlef, and we discover that Ron has a sleep-fighting disorder. Things start off well at the telethon, but when Tom fails to get Schrempf to the studio, Leslie has to resort to time-killing techniques such as coin flipping, describing her favorite “Friends’” episodes, and milk drinking. Also, Mark nearly proposes to Ann during the telethon but Leslie talks him out of it because Ann wants to break up with Mark possibly because Ann is still hung up on Andy, who is slowly, every-so slowly warming up romantically with April.

After a lot of encouragement from the Pajibers, I spent some time catching up on season two of “Parks and Recreation,” after bailing on it at the end of season one. Y’all are right. It is good, and it has found its comedic legs. It’s amusing, even if it’s never show-stopping. However, all in all, last night was not a great episode, but anything is going to be a let down after that episode of “Community.”

The Office

Line of the night: Oscar’s retort to Michael after he confessed that he told his girlfriend he loved her after the second date: “That seems quick. Even for lesbians.”

Of late, the only time “The Office” is funny is when it’s exceedingly uncomfortable, but then you also have to deal with how uncomfortable it is. Last night’s episode was lousy. It was never uncomfortable. And it wasn’t funny. Michael thought his girlfriend Donna was cheating on him, so he sent Dwight to spy on her, and Dwight did exactly what you’d expect of Dwight. Jim and Pam played the adorably busybodies, as usual. And after Michael finally came to the conclusion that Donna wasn’t cheating on him, he found out that Donna was cheating on her husband with him. Dwight joined a gym. And Andy uncovered a defect in the company’s laser printer. That was pretty much it. It was limp. Maybe the worst episode of the season. And isn’t this supposed to be sweeps?

30 Rock

A brilliant episode for one-liners, though there wasn’t a lot of room for much else. It was the Mother’s Day episode, so the cast members’ mothers paid a visit, which meant that Jack’s mom butted into his love life, revealing to Avery Jessup that Jack’s got another woman on the side. Liz, for what seems like the 42nd time, realizes that there’s no Astronaut Mike — the ideal man — out there for her, after concluding that the man of her mother’s life, Buzz Aldrin, was kind of insane. Tracy hired a fake mom who butted heads with him like a real mom. And Jenna’s mom … I don’t know. One of her breasts felt like a Ziploc bag of mushroom soup and she wanted Jenna to wear one of her one-piece romper suits on camera.

The best lines:

  • Tracy’s Fake Mom: “You think I wanted a lame son that recorded an anti-condom PSA?” Tracy: “I saved a lot of kids from lame sex!”

  • In response to Liz announcing that she’s not married, Jenna’s Mom asks, “Not even common law? How do you get credit at a mattress store?”

  • Jack’s Mom to Liz: “That’s what feminism does. It makes smart women with nice birthing hips believe in fairy tales.”

  • Jack’s Mom to Jack: “Two women Jack. At the same time! What are you, Italian?”

  • Liz’s Mom on her true love, Buzz Aldrin: “He was my steady at Montclair High. The night before he was sent to Korea, I repeatedly lost my virginity to him while Waldo the town perv watched from the bushes.”

  • Tracy, to Jenna’s exclamation that Mother’s Day is a disaster, “I hear you. Because you’re talking in the ear that I didn’t lose a button in.”

  • Buzz Aldrin (the Astronaut), to the moon. “I see you. I know what you’re doing. Return to the night! You’ve no business here.” (Liz: “Are you yelling at the moon?”) “She and I just … I get mad sometimes.” And again, later, to the Moon: “I own you. I walked on your face.”


    Maybe it makes me lame, and maybe I’m on the fringe her at the Jiba, but man: I love “Survivor,” and I especially love “Survivor” this season. Somehow, after 20 cycles, the show continues to surprise. You think you’ve seen every iteration, every argument, and every strategic move in the game, and the participants still manage to surprise you. Last night, I found myself rooting for Russell, who I loathe, because siding with him meant Rupert had a better shot at staying in the game. Indeed, “Survivor” kicked off last night with six villains and two heroes, and despite their best efforts, and despite the fact that neither Russell nor Colby won or found immunity, by the end of the night, there were only four villains remaining, while the two heroes stood tall, likely joining forces with the worst villain of all time next week. Who the hell saw that coming?

    Candace got voted out, thanks to Colby’s smart voting strategy, and thanks in part to Rupert concealing an idol-shaped rock in his pocket, which was enough to convince the villains he had immunity (meanwhile, Sandra — who actually does have the idol — played coy and well under the radar last night).

    After the second immunity challenge, Russell — in an effort to strengthen his alliance with Parvati — tried to drive Danielle by double crossing Parvati and Danielle and turning them against each other. He convinced neither they were trying to oust each other, but it didn’t matter. I have no idea how, really, but Russell pulled it off (probably because Jerri is weak-willed and impressionable), lying through his fucking teeth to do so. But it meant that Rupert got another week, so I was happy to see the scheme work. Russell may make it to the end again this season, but if he does, he’s going to have the same problem he did last season in the final vote: He’ll have alienated so many people that he won’t be able to muster the votes. That is, unless he’s up against Sandra.

    I’m putting 2-1 odds on Rupert pulling off the victory, broken toe and all.