Shock Ranking 'Scandal': 'I Object to All of This!' Edition

By Sarah Carlson | TV | October 25, 2013 |

By Sarah Carlson | TV | October 25, 2013 |

Welcome, Gladiators! This season, we’ll be shock (or sometimes, more like WTF) ranking the insanity of ‘Scandal,’ ABC’s delightfully guilty pleasure starring Kerry Washington and Tony Goldwyn. There will be gifs. And fawning over Scott Foley. Deal with it.

Shock Ranking Scandal S3E4, “Say Hello to My Little Friend”

5. Oh, Scandal.

I can’t think of anything else to say.

4. Hot Mic.

Lisa Kudrow stopped by as Josephine Marcus, a Democratic congresswoman from Montana who appears to have the folksy charm of Sarah Palin (“I think it’s high time the man tame his cobra and keep a lid on the basket.”) but with brains to back up the bravado. Adding yet another strong female for Fitz to content with is fine by me, and I love that Mellie is the one who inadvertently gave her prominence by forgetting the first two rules of politics — Never insult the voters, and the microphone is always loaded. Mellie could easily have the most interesting journey of all the characters this season. She isn’t completely a monster, but she’s been hurt one too many times.

3. Professor Lasky Has Issues.

This week’s real life-inspired plot wasn’t engaging — we’ve already lived through the real thing with Anthony Weiner, so how is this interesting? — albeit Weiner’s wife didn’t kill one of his mistresses (that we know of). The wife-as-killer twist was predictible and weak by Scandal standards, but at least the act of Pope and Associates having to represent a creepy client brought home their new reality of hurting for not only clients, but for respect. They should be better than this, a feeling David made clear with his full-of-disappointment looks thrown at Abby. They should be better than this, slut-shaming a dead girl, but Liv is losing focus. Also: Is this where that story ends — the wife gets away with murder? Was that confession protected under attorney-client privilege? No wonder Olivia wants all the wine.

2. Well Played, Jake.

Olivia isn’t fully on board the Jake train, although she didn’t resist his advances for very long in last night’s episode. Jake interrupting her phone call with/c*ck-blocking the president was pretty perfect on his part, and it’d be best for Liv if she steared clear of Fitz. This love triangle will be drawn out all season, surely; Jake has made it clear he’s not going anywhere. At the very least, Liv needs to listen to Jake’s reasoning about her father. No way is she as safe as she thinks she is:

“Your father — he would slit your throat and drink your blood if it served the Republic. And I think you know that. I think you have nightmares about that. So why are you pretending like you’re daddy’s little girl?”

1. Reunion Time.

Just as Liv appears to be floundering morality-wise and is in denial mode, Fitz is remaining calm and wants answers. His arranging for Peter Foster, the former Navy pilot whom Eli had Huck kill last episode, to be buried in Arlington National Cemetery was quite moving, and once Cyrus revealed he was in the know about Operation Remington, Fitz took action. On this, he and Jake are alike: Eli, as Command, deserves to be confronted, although perhaps they should be more afraid of ruffling his feathers than they appear to be. Papa Pope doesn’t play. Here’s what we do know about Remington: It was a secret rescue mission during the first Gulf War on Iranian soil. Jake was one of five on the ground, and Fitz was the pilot. Foster was reported as the pilot and the flighi was wiped from the books, but he had the flight plan tattooed on his body. “So why does this guy get a tattoo saying he was the pilot?” Olivia asked. “Maybe for the same reason your father wanted him dead.”

Best Lines/Tweets:

Mellie to a reporter: “It doesn’t matter what party you’re from, all of us women have to break through the same glass ceiling. … Blah blah blah, give any piece of trailer trash a push-up bra and a microphone and those stupid flyovers will eat it up like fried Twinkies.”

Olivia: “I don’t know what I am.” Jake: “Well, you’re the daughter of the man that runs the top secret organization that made your friend kill a man for some reason having to do with your ex-boyfriend, the president.”

I love how engaged the cast is with fans on social media — it’s just smart PR. Very endearing.

Quinn Psycho Watch

Getting closer: “Is that who you killed? It looks like his wrists were slashed. Is that to make it look like a suicide? I’m assuming there’s a special way of doing that — ways of angling the blade so the cops can’t tell it was staged.”

At least Huck called her on her “I’m worried” bit, pointing out that what she really is is interested. But will she listen?

Your Eye Candy for the Week:

Sarah Carlson is a TV Critic for Pajiba. She lives in San Antonio. You can find her on Twitter.