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R.I.P. Lil Sebastien: The Best Lines from Thursday Night's NBC Comedies

By Dustin Rowles | TV | May 20, 2011 |

By Dustin Rowles | TV | May 20, 2011 |

The Office (Grade: A generous B- because it was the finale, and they tried really hard. Also, Spader was pretty great.).

  • “There’s no such thing is a product. There is only sex. Everything is sex. You understand that what I’m telling you is a universal truth?”

  • “He creeps me out, but I think he might be a genius.” (A universal sentiment held by many when it comes to James Spader)

  • “Shut up about the sun. SHUT UP ABOUT THE SUN!”

  • “He invented an app that invents apps.”

  • “Little advice? Take a day off from the whole Jim shtick. Try caring about something. You might like how it feels, James.”

    Parks and Recreation (Grade: B (first episode); B+ (second episode). Good, solid finale with a sad kick in the end, but it fell short of last week’s perfection.)

  • “I will give 110 percent. As soon as you repeat yourself. In a more interesting way.”

  • “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I read that once on a can of lemonade. I like to think it applies to life.”

  • “When I walked in this morning I saw that the flag was at half mast, I though, ‘All right, another bureaucrat ate it.’ And then I saw it was Lil’ Sebastian. Half mast is too high. Show some damn respect.”

  • “And this is how Eleanor Roosevelt would kiss.” // “Woah. Eleanor likes the tongue. // Show me Pelosi again.”

  • “I hope you brought a change of clothes cause your eyes are about to piss tears.”

  • “You gotta join the company. I’m the bank. Your the money.”

  • “You gotta live your life like that cow in the video.” // “He was a horse.” // “Yeah. Cause he followed his dreams.”

  • “Are you mad at me? Because without eyebrows, I can’t tell.”

  • “Does the carpet match the face?”

  • “Catching the number 12 bus to Satan’s butthole?”