Reading the Entrails: Predictions of the Endings of Ten Current Television Shows

By Alexander Joenks | TV | July 25, 2013 |

By Alexander Joenks | TV | July 25, 2013 |

We could just wait to see how television shows end, but that would really be a waste of precious Internet pixels now wouldn’t it. With bad shows, at least three fourths of the enjoyment is from wondering what idiotic thing is going to happen next, so it’s practically mandatory. So here, in no particular order, are my predictions for how ten current television shows will end:

“Breaking Bad”: Prison. I think that this is what the show is building towards, a show built on a normal man who turns to evil in order to seize control of his life cannot end in his death in a blaze of glory or even in tragedy. It ends with Walter White losing every illusory bit of control and being marched like any other into the orange jumpsuits.

“Justified”: I’ll leave the exact details to be worked out, but the final scene is Raylan, Boyd, and Loretta leaving on a road trip.

“Archer”: You go to hell and you die. Archer should never end.

“Always Sunny in Philadelphia”: The entire final season should be fifty years in the future with the cast playing both themselves committed to the cheapest old folks home in Phillie, and their worthless grandchildren.

“Doctor Who”: The British Isles sink under the North Atlantic. No I don’t mean on the show, I mean that’s what will have to happen for there to be a true final episode of “Doctor Who”

“Gray’s Anatomy”: Nuclear detonation from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

“Hannibal”: Ha! Like NBC would give us a third season.

“Modern Family”: It’ll be a two hour affair that’s neither funny nor particularly affecting, although I can always hope that Phil finally snaps and goes on a rampage.

“Parks and Rec”: Congresswoman Leslie Knope, anyone?

“Community”: If Harmon’s gone when it happens, the show will end in a whimper as the final episode will likely be filmed with no idea that it was the final episode. If Harmon is around at that point, I cannot venture to guess other than that a quarter of people will think it’s brilliant, a quarter idiotic, and half will not have a clue what just happened.