“If farts are fair game, so is God.”
(Shirley) “It has been said that the Bible is the greatest story ever told.” (Abed) “Didn’t Ben Lyons say the same thing about I Am Legend.”
(The Title of Abed’s Viral Video) “Filmmaking Beyond Film: A Meta Film — My Masterpiece.”
(Shirley to Abed, after hearing about his idea for a viral Christian video) “I mean come on, Charlie Kaufman, some of us have work in the morning. Damnit.”
(Abed, as Jesus) “Every minute of our lives is a world premiere, and my father has bought the popcorn. “
(Shirley, to Abed) “Did you just scripture me, Muslim?”
(Jonathon to Liz) “You have so many many unsolvable problems; like your mouth. It looks somebody kicked a hole in a bag of flour.”
(Jack) “I’ll swing by MSNBC. I have to talk to Rachel Maddow. Only one of us can have this haircut.”
(Liz) “I’d been on the toilet for so long that my legs fell asleep, so when I tried to stand up, I fell into my throw up.”
(Jack to Liz) “You are the sexual equivalent of a million Hindenburgs.”
It’s been a rough day, but at least we’re in Newark now.
(Liz) “Sorry I’m a real woman and not some oversexed New York nympho like those sluts on ‘Everybody Loves Raymond.’”
That’s why I brought you to the penis museum, where tickets are a thousand dollars.
(Ryan, on the idea that Andy’s song about a 12-year-old singing to the President could be used as a figure-skating anthem) “I don’t think they usually skate to such … bad songs.”
(Dwight, on Timothy Olyphant’s character) “People can’t keep their true natures hidden for long and this guy is smoldering like a tire fire.”