Netflix Attempts to Bring Back the Roast at Tom Brady's Expense

By Dustin Rowles | TV | May 6, 2024 |

By Dustin Rowles | TV | May 6, 2024 |

As alluded to earlier, Netflix held its first live roast this week, The Greatest Roast of All Time, a three-hour skewering of former New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady by his former teammates, professional comedians, and even his former coach Bill Belichick (interestingly, though he played for the Tampa Bay Bucs for three seasons at the end of his career and even won one Super Bowl, the Bucs were not even an afterthought).

There were apparently no jokes off-limits during the roast, whether Tom Brady realized it going in or not. For instance, his divorce from Gisele Bündchen was a frequent subject of ridicule — Kevin Hart and Nikki Glaser went particularly hard — “You have seven rings — well, eight now that Giselle gave hers back,” or “the only thing dumber than you saying yes to this roast was saying yes to Gisele doing jiu-jitsu,” a reference to the jiu-jitsu instructor with whom Bündchen is in a relationship. Even Drew Bledsoe, the quarterback Tom Brady replaced back in 2001, went there, joking, “I have experienced a couple of things that you will never experience. The feeling of being the number one overall draft pick in the NFL and a 28th wedding anniversary.”

Nikki Glaser went where I suspect even Brady’s closest friends would never go: His ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan, who was pregnant with Brady’s child when he left her for Bündchen. “Tom, you’re the best to ever play for too long. You retired, then came back, then retired; I get it. It’s hard to walk away from something that isn’t your pregnant girlfriend. To be fair, he didn’t know; he just thought she was getting fat.”

In addition to jokes at the expense of Brady’s divorce, there were a number of jokes made about former Patriot Aaron Hernandez, who hung himself in prison after being convicted of murder. “Everyone always asks me how big [Rob Gronkowski’s] dick is,” Julian Edelman joked. “Now don’t get me wrong, it gets the job done. But there was this other Patriots tight end. Now he was hung.”

Among others making appearances as roasters was Will Ferrell — as his Anchorman character, Ron Burgundy — who led the crowd into a chant of, “Tom Brady is Eli Manning’s bitch,” and Brady’s former coach, Bill Belichick, who delivered one of the colder jokes of the night. “People have said it — Tom and I butted heads a lot. And in a way that was true. But it was hard to butt heads with Tom — because he was so far up Alex Guerrero’s ass,” he joked, referencing Brady’s athletic trainer who turned him onto his bizarre diet. Belichick, famously, at one point had Guerrero banned from the locker room because of the negative influence he felt that the trainer was having on Brady, or as Edelman put it: “Alex Guerrero is the snake oil salesman that turned Tom into a complete weirdo.” (Guerrero was in the audience).

Randy Moss took aim at the two scandals that plagued Brady and the Patriots dynasty, Spygate and Deflategate, which came before Moss arrived and after he departed, during a three-year period in which the Pats did not win a Super Bowl ring. “I only got one question for you, Tom: ‘Why the fuck didn’t we cheat when I was there?! I wanted to cheat, too.”

Brady’s friend, actor Ben Affleck, also appeared, though he did very little roasting of Brady, opting instead to defend him in what is being characterized as something of a manic speech that ended with Affleck mimicking the oral sex he would give Brady if he were lucky enough to be his coach. Peyton Manning was the last speaker, and while his jokes were successful, he did not hit below the belt, opting mostly to stick to football.

As is often the case with roasts, which have fallen out of fashion in recent years, there were also some dark jokes, such as when Julian Edelman joked about what he had in common with Jeff Ross: being Jewish. “When people look at me, they think, ‘Oh, he’s Jewish?’ But Jeff is the kind of Jew that makes you want to join Hamas.” Brady also made a 9/11 joke at the expense of Drew Bledsoe, whose job Brady took after Bledsoe was badly injured during a game with the New York Jets. “I’ll always remember where I was on that fateful day in September 2001 when two Jets slammed into Drew Bledsoe.”

The ceremony ultimately ended with Brady taking the dais to insult all those who came before him. Brady, who has never exhibited much of a sense of humor, delivered his insults with a mix of arrogance and cringe, essentially claiming to be immune from their jokes because he has been so successful in his career.

“I’ve been out of the game for a minute, so I’m curious,” Brady said, turning to Belichick, “how many Super Bowls have you won since I left? … When I go to the Indy 500, I don’t ask, ‘Hey, who gassed up your car.’” In a joke that’s not likely to sit well with the NFL, Brady also joked that the league spent $20 million to investigate Deflategate, saying they could have saved the $20 million and given it to him “and I would’ve just told you I fucking did it.”

The roast’s success, largely due to a few standout comedians such as Glaser and Sam Jay (but notably not Jeff Ross or Burt Kreischer), may prove difficult for Netflix to replicate in future attempts. Tom Brady was an ideal subject for roasting, given his long history of scandal and controversy that he has never publicly addressed in an honest manner. This dynamic created moments of uncomfortable viewing, which often contributes to the most successful aspects of roasts. It is difficult to envision another celebrity of Tom Brady’s stature allowing their personal lives to be subjected to such vicious scrutiny. The caliber of stars roasted on Comedy Central for 14 seasons, primarily washed-up celebrities like Charlie Sheen and Roseanne Barr who presented as overly easy targets, would likely fail to attract a comparable audience or interest, which may mean the title of Brady’s Roast may ultimately be befitting for Netflix: The Greatest Roast of All Time. It’s hard to imagine anyone even wanting to compete.