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Ivy's League of Horror

By Figgy | TV | September 13, 2010 |

By Figgy | TV | September 13, 2010 |

Previously, Ivy pretended that Michael C had spread rumors about her, because actually accepting that she had done a crap job was out of the question. Just hearing her say the words “Michael C is trying to sabotage me!” makes me grind my teeth and wonder what show she thinks she’s on. Peach was eliminated, and I miss her already.

We start with a bit of useless filler (gotta make up the 90 minutes with something) as we see April move in to the apartment that holds the other three remaining women. It’s not terribly exciting, until she claims that she doesn’t deal in bullshit, and that if she has a problem with someone she’ll voice it. Hmm. I wonder, did you go up to Michael Costello and tell him you think he has poor sewing skills and he’s a horrible person, or by ‘voice it’ did you mean telling it to the camera in an interview? Yeah, I thought so.

Michael C is upset that no one cared that he won, and I say don’t mind those bitches. Andy, in an interview, adds his voice to the many claiming that Michael C is the weakest one there. Once again: Really? Him? Not Ivy, with her shitty Secretary Mom dresses, or Michael D, who’s been in the bottom what, three times? You think it’s Michael C? I think he’s far from the best, but, come on. It’s just so weird, guys. A lot of other blogs are quoting contestants saying how awful Michael C is, but we’re not seeing any of it on the show. Yeah, he made some snarky comments at the beginning, but who doesn’t do that? His last dress wasn’t impeccably sewn, and maybe he didn’t deserve the win, but we’ve seen worse. It’s a mystery.

After some more useless filler, we’re at the runway, and Heidi comes out, sans awful bangs and, as usual, wearing some questionable clothes. All she does is tell them that they’re going to meet Tim at the marina and join him for brunch. That was useful.
The designers meet Tim and The Brown Kors at the marina. Kors slooks very weird in the daylight—maybe it’s just me, but his face looks bizarre and tight except for the giant bags under his eyes. Weird. He’s also reading his lines very stiffly, standing there with his arms by his side, pretending to be enthusiastic. Is it that he can’t be out in the sun too much because he hasn’t tanned enough today? Or maybe it’s the ridiculous amounts of man-cleavage present, thanks to Michael D and Andy. Put it away, boys.

The challenge this week is to create a Resort Wear outfit that expresses the point of view of the designer. Makes sense that Kors is a big part of the episode this week; he’s well-known for doing Resort Wear collections, though they’re not my favorite clothes. I remember a lot of cellophane visors. He awkwardly gives them some sunglasses from his collection and leaves.

The designers and Tim take a boat tour around New York City, and it looks pretty and sunny and very hot. Poor Tim is having to stand there in the sun in his ever-present suit, clutching the side of the boat and pretending to look totally cool with that. Did they not tell him that they’d be getting on a boat? In the middle of summer in New York? He looks like he’s about to hurl.

As they sketch, Mondo makes me love him even more by saying how his idea of a vacation is walking around his apartment in his underwear and t-shirt, so he’s not quite sure what Resort-Wear is, exactly. Just think of rich people on a cruise, Mondo. But I highly approve of your idea of a vacation.

In the workroom, the designers start to work, when Tim comes in. He’s holding the infamous Velvet Bag of Horror, which means there’s another element to the challenge. And it’s a good one. They’re going to be paired up, and instead of working on their own designs, they’re going to have to make the other person’s garment. Oh-ho-ho! Tim reminds them that this is how the fashion world works—you send your design to a sampler and hope he makes the thing you want. The designers look terrified, as they’ll be judged not for what they make for the other person, but on their own designs. Delicious.

Michael C is paired up with Mondo, who admits on camera that he’s incredibly pissed. I give up on trying to figure out the animosity towards MC. Valerie gets Andy, April gets Christopher, Casanova gets Gretchen, and Ivy gets Michael D. She bitches about him not being up to par with her construction level and I scream, “what construction level, you paragon of self delusion?” Tim tells them to be on top of the “sampler” all the time.
Tension mounts as the pairs discuss their work. Ivy’s already being a pain to Michael D, and Michael C is running into Mondo’s lack of sketching. Casanova runs into Gretchen’s awful condescension, exclaiming “she believes I am a retard!” and don’t feel too bad, Cassie. She feels that way about everybody.

Mondo is quite hateful, and I feel like I’m in bizarro land. Though I have to say this: looking more closely at say, the dress last week, MC’s stitches were pretty horrible. But before? Yeah, his work wasn’t the best, but compared to Casanova’s first two looks or Ivy’s last two? It was almost outstanding. I am so confused.

And in the very next interview (after they’ve spent some time together) Mondo comes to the realization that Michael C isn’t as bad a guy as he thought. He actually admits that he’s been a dick to him for no real reason at all. Aha! See? Where was all the hatred coming from? Both Casanova and Mondo have admitted they have no problem with MC. Seems to me that it’s mostly the women who are speaking out against him, and a lot of it seems to be that, well, they’re kind of a bitchy and jealous lot. Maybe there’s still some stuff going on off-screen, but I highly doubt that it’s that bad. High-school level bullshit.

Tim comes in and brings Michael Kors with him, who is back to looking a healthy orange color. He’s going to be doing the critiques, which I think is a brilliant idea and a great opportunity for the designers. How often do you get to be advised by an actual designer?

He tells Casanova to not make his look too old. Casanova says that Gretchen is using the same hideous color palette from the group challenge, and isn’t that her entire thing? All beiges and navys and maroons and blahness. It’s a damn resort, woman. Use some colors.

Ivy immediately gets both Tim and Kors shaking their heads. They both say that they hate the pattern on her fabric, and that her color choices are not terribly strong. Bwaha. Mondo, in an interview, wishes Michael D good luck dealing with the Shrew. Maybe not in those exact words.

Andy is making a super sexy bathing suit, and Kors gives him advice on finishing everything flawlessly. He doesn’t like Valerie’s color choices. Val is upset that she hasn’t won a challenge yet, and while I agree that she’s made some great stuff in the past, I think she just doesn’t have the oomph to really wow the judges for a win.

The next day, Ivy complains that Michael D is really not very good with sewing, and he does seem to have problems understanding exactly what she wants. She uses a lot of technical terms that he doesn’t get. On the one hand, I get Ivy’s frustrations, but on the other hand I love it, because of how much she’s bitched about MC’s skills, calling him the worst sewer there, but MC had no problem with Mondo’s work. She glares at Michael D while he sews, only making him more nervous and sloppy than he already was. I’d think doing anything with Ivy would be a nightmare. Michael D feels awful for not being able to do Ivy’s work right, and it seems like they’re just having problems communicating.

We enter the Runway of Trial and Tribulation. The adorable Kristen Bell is the guest judge, for some reason. I mean, she’s very cute and likable, and Pajiba’s sweetheart, but … she doesn’t have the best fashion sense. I mostly know her because she’s always showing up on GoFugYourself, mostly for terrible choices. But then again, this show had Victoria freakin’ Beckham being the judge at a finale one time. On a side note, I also heard a horrible rumor that the guest judge at this season’s finale was Jessica Simpson? I haven’t confirmed it because it scares me, and also because I’ve stayed away from any talk on the collections shown at Fashion Week. Please tell me it’s not true.

But back to the show.

Michael C’s look as done by Mondo is first, and it’s crazy, but not bad. He made a disco-jumpsuit thing with a flowy top and giant flowy pants with this very shimmery, metallic fabric. The fabric really makes it interesting, as it’s otherwise a very basic design. It’s very close to showing way too much boob, but I can totally see some Miami bimbo wearing it. It’s well made and fitted, so good job, Mondo.

Mondo’s look by Michael C is…problematic. It’s a blue-striped bikini with pink trim, plus a jacket in a green pattern with yellow highlights. There’s also a visor that matches the jacket. It’s very colorful, but I’m not so sure the colors actually match, and the giant gold chain is just awful. Unfortunately, the whole thing looks like underwear, and the more I look at it, the more I hate the pattern on the jacket. It looks like a sofa.

Michael D’s look, made by Ivy, is a pretty basic long black dress with some fancy cutting and slitting on the neckline. There’s some braiding along the waistline. For all that Ivy bitched about him not sewing, this looks like a mess all over the seams. It’s a shiny fabric, so it’s just bunching weird at the seams. I don’t like it at all. It’s shapeless and looks messy to me.

Ivy’s design by MD is a giant pile of blah. I don’t think even a brilliant sewer could have made this look exciting. It’s a light-grey top with a diagonal neckline, and ridiculously giant pants. Or is it a skirt? I can’t even tell. That is a seriously plain, boring design, like everything she’s ever made. The colors wash out the model, and even the styling is awful. The big question here (and in the judging) is how much of it is her fault, and how much is it Michael’s? Michael D says she looks like the Statue of Liberty and that’s absolutely the perfect description. He feels bad for what he did.

Christopher’s look by April is pretty, but boring. I seem to be saying that way too much this season. It’s a tube top in a gray-blue pattern with a nice strap going up one shoulder, and fitted white shorts that end just above the knee. Definitely looks beachy, though not terribly exciting.

April designed — I don’t even know how to describe it. It’s got straps flying everywhere around the bust. I think it’s a bikini with a sheer cover on top of it, and booty shorts yet again. The hair is pretty awful. It looks like really bizarre Bedroom Wear For a Naughty Night. It’s nicely made, I guess. But personally, I absolutely hate it.

Casanova’s look by Gretchen is, um, not terrible, if you’re an old lady, or wanting to look older than you really are. It’s a white blouse with dropped shoulders and some elaborate lace in the middle, and tan, flowy pants. It’s…nice, but definitely not Resort Wear in the slightest degree.

Gretchen made yet another layered look of total fug. Underneath is that same blood red fabric she used before, and over it there’s some sheer tan fabric that looks like someone ripped the collar off a t-shirt. Why does she keep doing that hideous neckline? It’s terribly unflattering. The whole thing is very 70s and boring and layered, like all of her stuff.
Valerie’s look by Andy is some high-waisted shorts in a weird pattern, a black bikini top and a flowy vest on top. Enough with the floppy, shapeless vests already. It’s not very thrilling and definitely not going to win anything.

Andy’s look is gorgeous, and one of my favorite looks from the season so far. He made a sexy one-piece bathing suit with dark grey fabric and purple highlights, plus a wrap that goes around her waist and flows like crazy behind her. I love it. It’s sexy, dramatic, and would definitely turn some heads at the foofy beach party. I love that wrap. Great job to the both of them there.

Andy, Casanova, Mondo, April, Ivy and Michael D are called up, and to my complete surprise, April, Andy and Michael are top 3. Mondo, Casanova and Ivy have the lowest scores, and my head hits the desk as I realize that, once again, Gretchen got by with some truly hideous work.

We start with April, and I guess I can see why they love her look, even if I completely hate it. They call it “super-edgy punk baby doll.” Kristen says she’d wear it, and yeah, she would. In the bedroom, maybe. That is not a damn dress. They show us the shorts, and they’re completely shapeless and flat-out hideous, but the judges praise them and I wonder if the runway is filled in strange crack vapors, because what the hell are they looking at? Those shorts are nightmarish.

Andy says he used Hawaii as his inspiration. I love the color combination, and that wrap is to die for. They love all his choices and call it very commercial, which is usually a very good sign that he won’t win.

Michael D makes sure to praise Ivy a lot, and I think that that’s what saved her, even though he could have easily bitched about how controlling she was. Especially when she gets her turn to speak and she’s quite horrible to him, saying that he doesn’t know what he’s doing, or how to sew, etc. MD says that they work in two different ways: he’s self-taught and maybe didn’t understand the terms she was using. I think Ivy’s skilled in the technical sense, but is a shitty designer and a bit of a bitch. But no one’s asking me. I do not like Michael D’s dress at all. I think it’s so sloppy and made in an ugly fabric, but I never agree with the judges this season. They’re just overpraising all the wrong things.

Mondo says he was playing with colors. Nina says it looks inexpensive and junior. Too bad. They really trash the look, which makes me sad for Mondo. I don’t think the construction and design is really that terrible—I think what killed it were the fabric choices.

On to Ivy’s incredibly boring outfit. Ivy whines that she really had to dumb down her design so that MD could make it. What a cop-out, and a bitchy thing to say. MD says that he did the best he could with the weird fabrics he had. Ivy responds that she could have made it work. It’s weird, because on the one hand, I can understand her frustration, but on the other, I really don’t believe she could’ve made something better herself. Nothing she’s made in the past has been very remarkable — at best, she would have made yet another average outfit that barely skated by and managed to let her stay on another week. Nina points out that maybe Ivy doesn’t have the ideas, even if she has the skills, and based on her previous garments I completely agree. Even if she got a partner who wasn’t so skilled, it was her job to work with him, and she didn’t seem to do that at all. What we saw was a lot of bitching and stressing Michael out, and I don’t believe that Michael should have been so agreeable with her criticisms. She still could have come up with something he could work with that was better than what they did. He can’t be that bad.

And then, Heidi points out how much MC (who is still on the runway) has been rolling his eyes as Ivy talked. It really is a bitchy thing to do. MC says that Ivy’s bossy. It’s ugly, and you can see Ivy’s eyes catch fire, but you know what? Fuck it, and screw Ivy. She did it to him first, when he didn’t deserve it, and on this show you get your revenge wherever you can. So while I think MC’s being particularly evil here, I can’t blame him. I would probably do the same thing.

Kristen says that Ivy should have played to MD’s strengths, and Ivy basically says that he has none, which everyone knows isn’t true. They accuse her of throwing him under the bus.

Casanova is confused. I really don’t think it’s that bad an outfit, even if it doesn’t fit the challenge at all. It is very old, but I can see younger women wearing it to fancy dinners. The judges think it just doesn’t fit the aesthetic they were looking for, and that he didn’t get the challenge right. That it’s not very exciting They’re confused by Casanova’s extremes.

They’re sent away after yet another extremely long, extremely stressful judging.
The judges say that anyone would want to wear MD’s dress. Really? That thing? I can’t imagine who that sack would look flattering on. They love April’s giant shorts and weird baby doll thing. I say lay off the crack pipe, judges. They like that Mondo’s outfit was colorful, and Heidi even tries to defend him, but the other two hated it.They don’t get what Ivy could make with her stuff, and call her a seamstress, but not a designer. So kick her out! Then they call Casanova confused, and that there was nothing exciting or modern about the look. It’s true, but it wasn’t that bad. Not nearly as bad as Ivy’s, anyway. But she did a good job (according to them) with Michael D’s outfit, so she’s going to be safe even if she doesn’t deserve it. Again.

April wins. Eh. Good for her, I guess. It must be nice to finally be noticed. Please use some color next time, April. Heidi calls Ivy out on her excuses, and that she should take responsibility for what she does. To Casanova, they say that he missed the challenge completely. Ivy is in, because we need some drama, and Gretchen’s kept very quiet lately.

Poor Casanova’s out. But you know he’ll have a good career making foofy dresses for foofy old ladies. Hilariously, he says that he’s “Angry? Zero. Disappointed? Maybe a quart,” and I’m amazed at how much he’s grown on me. I’ll miss his ridiculous accent and general craziness. We even gets a little montage of it.

I don’t know if you consider previews spoilers, so don’t read this last bit if you do. I just had to put it in here because it cracked me up.

“Jackie Kennedy would NOT have camel toe!” Tim Gunn proclaims, and I die a little. Can’t wait.

So what did you think of the episode? Should Ivy have been sent packing for being horrible and failing to impress the judges yet again? Did Casanova deserve the loss? Should Gretchen have been in the bottom 3 again? Where the top 3 as confusing to you as you were to me, or did you actually like Michael D’s look? Go crazy in the comments.

Figgy is a displaced Honduran living in Dallas, TX. You can read more of her ramblings at her blog or follow her on Twitter .

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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