How cute are Lafayette and pretty Jesus? I’ll tell you how cute - so cute that besides Russell’s glorious tirade at the end of the show, pretty Jesus and Lafayette were the best reason to watch. I wanted their portions of the show to go on and on and to spin off to another little show, kind of like On the Road with Austin & Santino (which by the way, if you aren’t watching you should be). Jesus is so pretty you can’t take your eyes off him and Lafayette is so…Lafayette (thanks to Nelsan Ellis’ beautifully subtle performance) and it’s so sweet watching his walls fall down.
A panicked Eric flies to Fangtasia, tells Pam what he did and asks where they can take sanctuary. Pam says a human home would be safest (but Eric doesn’t want Sookie’s) and Ginger walks in - they ask where she lives. Pam tells Ginger they need her house, Ginger wonders if it’s because of the V-Feds and Eric and Pam share a knowing look. They walk out to the bar area to find Nan Flanagan (Jessica Tuck) and her merry band of storm troopers waiting. Miss Flanagan chastises Eric, complaining that she has had to clean up after him in Louisiana, then commanding her officers to silver Eric.
Russell runs into his home screaming and searching for Talbot. He finds the bloody, gooey mess that’s what is left of his husband on the floor, spies the missing crown and breaks out in a wonderfully campy, broken-hearted groaning sob.
Sookie and Bill shower and Bill feeds from Sookie’s wounded neck, heals the wounds he made and then they get nasty again. Afterward, Sookie finds a dead were body on the floor of her living room and Bill sheepishly admits he forgot to tell her about it like the boyfriend who left his wet towel on the floor again. Sookie nonchalantly sends him to get a tarp and the lovebirds discuss the abnormalities of their relationship. Sookie brings up the subject of the file Russell showed her and Bill again lays the blame on Eric, saying that he wanted to find out why Eric was so interested in Sookie.
Pretty Jesus is so pretty that Lafayette can’t kick him out after sex. Who could? Lafayette compliments Jesus’s jaguar tattoo (strong and elusive, holds power over the universe) and the boys begin round two. Much as I love Jesus, something is definitely up with him and this is more than an accidental love affair.
An armed Jason busts into his own home to find Felton ready to beat up Crystal. Jason discovers that Crystal told Felton she was kidnapped, then she accuses him of rape. But when Felton wrests the gun away from Jason and starts attacking him, Crystal grabs the rifle and whacks Felton unconscious. She sends Jason for rope to tie up Felton. They transport him to a wooded area and Jason anonymously calls the police to report Felton as a possible drug dealer.
Nan Flanagan reports that she can’t find anything to pin on Eric and tells him she’ll leave after getting his statement via web cam. Eric’s lovely countenance is beamed to some unknown entities who make up The Authority. He relates his tale of wolves in the service of Russell Edgington and Russell’s plan to subjugate humans. Eric reports the Magister murder and that of his own family and admits he wanted to kill Russell himself. Nan thinks Eric is full of shit despite his emotional plea and she tells Eric that he and Pam are on lockdown until The Authority makes a decision.
Sam is next in line to babysit Tara. Terry calls Sam to report that Tommy has someone in his home making loud “girl noises” so Sam has to run off to take care of him instead. Sam lays into Tommy who doesn’t like Sam acting like his father.
Ruby tells Lafayette something is different and that his mask is off. When she asks if Jesus had something to do with the change in him, Lafayette admits he did and she exclaims, “I’ll be damned. Maybe God love fags.”
Jason and Crystal arrive at the police station to find Rosie crying over deputy Kevin having nearly been killed by Felton (or rather, whatever Felton shifts to). T-Dub is brought out from his cell and he and Crystal exchange stares. In private, Jason asks if a bag of V was found at the scene and tells Andy he has a tip that the Hotshot meth lab they busted might also be dealing in V. He wonders if they can raid the lab again if they connect Kevin’s attack to the meth lab and Andy is duly impressed. He also seems to have his own plans for Felton’s bag-o-V, which instead of being placed in evidence has found its way to Andy’s drawer.
Tara joins a rape support group and one of the members is new Merlotte’s waitress, Holly. Holly’s words connect with Tara’s emotions.
Sookie is looking at a scrapbook when she receives a call from Hadley. Sookie tells her cousin that Russell and his gang came after her but they were unsuccessful. Hadley asks Sookie to meet her at the aquarium and when she does, Hadley admits to Sookie the things she told Sophie-Ann and Russell. But does Sookie ask Hadley if she knows what Sookie is? Oh no, that would require actual brain usage. Hadley wants to know if her son Hunter is like Sookie and Sookie confirms that he is by sharing thoughts with him. Hysterical over Hunter’s ability, Hadley runs off with her son.
Arlene accuses Tommy of stealing her tips. Tommy insults Arlene and Sam sides with his waitress. Holly comforts a sobbing Arlene, who confesses that Terry isn’t the father of her baby. She admits to Holly that she doesn’t want the baby and Holly offers to go with her to a clinic but Arlene doesn’t want to go that route.
A sleeping Bill is “awakened” by drips of water coming through the slats of wood above him. He opens the door over his body and steps out into the bright, sunlit fairy world and sees Claudine, who thinks because he is there, Bill must have killed Sookie. Bill tries to bite Claudine but she pushes him away with her white light power. Claudine accuses Bill of only wanting Sookie’s light even as he protests that he loves Sookie. Bill begs to know what Sookie is so she can protect herself.
Eric bleeds from his orifices after staying awake all day (Thank you for that clarification last week). He and Pam discuss Russell and why Eric killed Talbot. When Pam asks why Eric didn’t share his story with her, he tells her he is not weak and the burden was his alone. Eric instructs Pam that if something happens to him, it’s her time to be a maker and create a vampire. Pam sobs at the thought of losing Eric, as anyone would.
At Merlotte’s, Jason tells Crystal about the upcoming Hotshot bust and she gets upset, wanting to protect her family.
Jessica has to seat Hoyt and Summer. Jessica’s fangs make an appearance and she runs off in shame. When Summer heads to the loo, Jessica apologizes to Hoyt. In turn, Hoyt admits to hating Summer and tells Jessica he’s only with her so he won’t sit around thinking about Jessica. She bursts into tears and Tommy gets pissy with Hoyt again. (Deborah Ann Woll and Jim Parrack made the most of this little scene - get these two back together quickly!)
Jesus and Lafayette flirt over a veggie burger with bacon. Tara notices and teases Lafayette.
Nan and her soldiers return to Fangtasia and so does Russell, with his beloved Talbot-in-a-jar. Atop the roof, Russell promises TIAJ that the American Vampire League is protecting Eric and for that they will suffer. Nan informs Eric that the ruling of The Authority is they disavow knowledge of Eric’s statement and the Magister murder - that nothing ever happened and Eric will handle Russell on his own. When Eric asks what resources he will get Nan asserts there will be no assistance, telling Eric to bring her Russell’s fangs or she will have his.
Calvin storms into Merlotte’s to get Crystal and he and Jason begin to argue. Sam tells them to take it outside; Jason invites Daddy to join him. But Calvin gets a little too mouthy and pushy with Sam so Sam proceeds to beat the ever loving crap out of Daddy, earning Tommy’s admiration. Jesus and Lafayette take Daddy to the hospital. Jason tries to stop Crystal from going with them but she pushes Jason away and jumps into the vehicle.
Tara, who was watching the whole scene outside, finally gets her surprise Franklin visit. In a completely wasted, could-have-been-so-much-more-and-gone-way-over-the-top scene, Franklin angrily chides Tara for trying to kill him and not mourning him and he prepares to kill her. But Jason steps onto the scene with his handy dandy rifle and tells Franklin to get away from Tara. Franklin taunts Jason, telling him how useless the gun is against him and Jason shoots him - Franklin explodes into the now familiar goo. Poor Franklin didn’t know Jason had his Fellowship of the Sun wooden bullets loaded.
Bill arrives back at Sookie’s place and Sookie starts firing questions at him. Bill tells the story of his dream visit with Claudine.
In her vehicle, hypocritical Nan has a bite while on the in-car television, a news anchor reports the status of the Vampire Rights Amendment vote. Onscreen, Russell comes from behind the reporter, pulls out his guts and waves around part of the dude’s spine as he begins to rant. Nan watches open-mouthed as Russell tells his vampire truth, heartily raving against the human race. Russell mocks the VRA and announces that vampires are nothing like humans. He emotionally asks, Why would we seek equal rights when you are not our equals? We want to eat you, after we eat your children.” Russell instantly changes his tone to that of a peppy newsman and with a smile says, “Now time for the weather! Tiffany?”
While I feel disappointed with two anti-climactic and much too quick and easy Franklin deaths, I was again delighted by the ending which was executed with campy perfection by Denis O’Hare. The man is a national treasure. And kudos to Nathan Barr for the background music which played while Russell discovered Talbot’s remains and again when he was on the roof; both selections were perfection. O’Hare and THE Skarsgård have easily made this my favorite season even if I have to disregard most of each episode. Alex Skarsgård’s range was on parade throughout the episode; he glided with Eric’s anger to wry humor and from his emotional statement to The Authority to baring Eric’s vulnerability when he realized he’d have to go after Russell alone. All in all, a much better episode than last week; slightly less stupid, slightly less Sookie, Pam is back and Russell is genius. Oh and pretty Jesus!
Closing credits: Bob Dylan “Everything is Broken”
Cindy is no vampire (not that there’s anything wrong with them). You can reach Cindy here