Dakota Johnson (and Justin Timberlake) Deliver Two 'SNL' All Timers

By Dustin Rowles | TV | January 28, 2024 |

By Dustin Rowles | TV | January 28, 2024 |

Cold Open — It’s not a political cold open featuring Donald Trump, which already makes it better than most cold opens. Jim Nantz and Tony Romo, plus all those on the CBS NFL team, express deep, profound sadness that the Chiefs/Ravens game is the last day of football this season (because the Super Bowl doesn’t count because that’s just commercials and people asking how many points a touchdown is worth). What are we going to do on Sundays now? What excuse will we have to invite our friends over? A lot of valid points in this one. A lot of valid points. (Score: 6 out of 10)

Dakota Johnson Monologue — Decent monologue. Dakota is charming, and she’s joined briefly by Justin Timberlake, who has to be told that he’s the musical guest this week and not the host. JT assures the audience, however, that he’s available for sketches, and then Jimmy Fallon in full Bee Gees regalia pops out thinking this is their time. I didn’t hate it. (I know that JT is not well-liked these days, but he was great on SNL back in the day). (Score: 6.5 out of 10)

Waiters — The Mason family (constantly confused with the Manson Family) is being waited on by a waitress (Sarah Squirm) who insists she can memorize all their orders but immediately forgets those orders after they’ve told her. Her backup (Dakota Johnson) is the exact same. I thought there would be more to the sketch, but there is not. (Watch Here) (Score: 4 out of 10)

Home Movies — In a pretape, a kid pulls out his parents’ home videos, and after watching a few sweet ones, they watch the one where the dad finds out he’s a father. It’s an episode of one of those Maury Povich-type shows where we find out this sweet family used to be one of those “YOU ARE THE FATHER” families on Maury Povich. (Score: 5 out of 10)

The Barry Gibb Talk Show — You can’t joke about doing The Barry Gibb Talk Show in the monologue and then actually do it! All well, it doesn’t matter. This sketch is still gold. This may be Fallon and Timberlake’s best contribution to pop culture. TALKING IT UP. God help me, now I want to see Omeletteville. (Score: 8.5 out of 10)

Please Don’t Destroy — The Please Don’t Destroy guys and Dakota Johnson spend a good three minutes straight-up roasting each other in wickedly mean ways, and I love it. It’s the best Please Dont Destroy video ever. Vicious! (Score: 9 out of 10)

Big Dumb Cups — Three women prattle on about their Stanley cups. “It’s the cup that says, when Trader Joes drops a new snack. I touch myself.” “It holds almost an entire bottle of Josh.” This is good. You can actually hear the Stanley stock dropping. (Score: 7 out of 10)

Weekend Update — Che and Jost have plenty of material to work with this week (much of it related to Trump), and they successfully exploit it. Bowen Yang plays “A Guy Named Ethan” who gives Oscar noms to movies that remind him of him (Watch Here) while Heidi Gardner reads the tarot cards, all of which predict the humiliating end of Michael Che’s career. Sorry, but making fun of Jost is much better than making fun of Che. (Watch Here). (Score: 6 out of 10 — good jokes, bad segments)

Book Club — Dakota plays a woman in a book group who has the perfect Shark Tank idea — a T-shirt that says, “Don’t ask me if I’m OK. I’m OK, but if people keep asking me if I’m OK, I’m going to cry.” Mark Cuban makes an appearance (along with someone else I assume is from Shark Tank. Eh. This one feels like, “Hey, Cuban said he’d stop by. Let’s throw together something.” (Watch Here) (Score: 5 out of 10)

Lost Luggage — A woman meets a guy on a flight, and they hit it off. However, when she has to describe to the guy with her lost luggage what’s in it in order to claim the luggage, the new couple finds out too much information about themselves. Bad sketch. (Watch Here) (Score: 3.5 out of 10)

Also, for some reason, Dave Chappelle is on stage for the sign-offs. He does not speak.

Horny Little Dork — There’s a particularly good cut-for-time trailer for a movie about husbands a few years into the relationship who act like annoying dorks when they see their wives in various stages of undress. Hard to explain, but I suspect this will resonate. I’m going to make it the Mat sketch of the week, although it’s really the Haz sketch of the week. (Score: 6.5 out of 10)