This episode made me sad. Not because it wasn’t a good episode. In fact, it was easily the best of the season. It made me sad because Dexter may be falling in love a little bit with Lumen, and I think Lumen has a little serial-killer crush on Dexter. And their bickering is kind of sweet, in a mass-murdering screwball sort of way. He’s going to help Lumen, and she’s going to help him fill the hole left by his inability to re-avenge the death of Rita. These two kids are great together. They’re going to be, like, the Mr. and Mrs. Smith of serial killers!
But then it’s going to end, inevitably. I mean, unless this show takes a weird turn, into a happy murdering family sitcom. And I’m going to be sad when it ends The death of Rita was shocking, but something of a relief. She was grating. But, Lumen: I like her. She’s rash and impulsive, and bound to get Dexter caught — as she almost did in this episode — but she completes Dexter. “Oh, honey. I’m sorry. I shot him and the dragged him all across a warehouse, and got his blood everywhere.” “That’s OK, sweetheart. Dexter is here to clean up your mess.”
It’s all so very Ozzy and Harriet. With corpses.
So, in this week’s episode, Dexter believes that Lumen has gone back to Minnesota, so he decides to get back into his routine: Killing assholes who deserve it. He rents an RV and he locates a douchebag who targets gays in the personal ads. Dexter knocks out his victim, and he’s all prepared to do this Dexter thing when Lumen texts. “There’s so much blood.” Oh, sweetheart. Of course there is. There’s about six quarts of blood in the average human body. And when there’s a hole in someone’s stomach, it’s going to leak.
So, Dexter runs to Lumen, and he and she have their little tiff, and they bicker and complain like two peas in a bloody pod. Meanwhile, the victim — one of Lumen’s captors — is hidden under a grate, and he calls in his whereabouts to the cops, so Deb and the Gang hurry their selves over to the warehouse slash crime scene, which gives Dexter a small window to clean up this mess and get Lumen to safety. Problem is, the guy that Dexter knocked out also wakes up covered in Saran Wrap, and in the tensest scene of the season, Dexter has to chase down his prey before Deb and her police pals come around the corner and effectively end the show. He does. And thanks to Masuka’s deranged mind, Dexter ably sets up the whole scene as some weird, deviant murder suicide.
And then Dexter goes back to his house, “Hi honey, I’m home,” to find Lumen in the bathtub, in the Rita exsanguination position, which is wicked haunting. But then she puts on Rita’s bathrobe, and the two of them talk about their day together, and make a plan. “I can’t get revenge for Rita’s death, but I can help Lumen avenge what was done to her.” Awwwww. And baby Harrison’s first words were “Die, Die.” What a beautiful family.
Meanwhile, Deb and Quinn confessed their affection for one another; Robocop thinks that Dexter’s life is a little too perfect not to be phony, and the less said about LaGuerta and Batista the better. I wouldn’t want an otherwise excellent episode marred by their completely unrelated shenanigans.