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Conan O'Brien's Sick Voice Is Perfect For Erotica

By Andrew Sanford | TV | April 13, 2023 |

By Andrew Sanford | TV | April 13, 2023 |


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Conan O’Brien has finally found his true calling. Forget about writing for The Simpsons or SNL. You can ignore those decades he spent as a late-night host. Do you like his podcast? Did you know it’s getting in the way of what he should truly be doing with his life? Yes, it did tangentially lead him to his destiny, but that took far too long. The Gods have finally decided that Conan O’Brien should be reading erotica when he is sick.

Before I go any further, I want to point out how weirdly good it felt to see someone sick and still at work. There were no masks or anything. That’s the goal! I want a return to normalcy. It’s still a little jarring, though. Last night I was at a bar with a friend, and someone approached us asking if he could show us a magic trick. I said yes, and he told a joke that ended with him producing a small hammer. It was weird and exciting and the type of thing that, two years ago, I thought I would never experience again. Not everyone will be as excited or ready (mentally or physically), but seeing Conan at work despite having a cold was surprisingly encouraging.

Conan had a cold, but he went to work anyway and decided he likes his voice better when he’s sick. His voice is deeper and grittier. It’s a mix of Tom Waits and, well, Conan O’Brien. In classic Conan fashion, he soon takes the voice too far. All it takes is him saying the word orgasm for the whole segment to be turned on its head. What follows can only be described as Conan O’Brien brand erotica. It isn’t sexy per se, but it gets the job done. The “job,” in this case, is orgasmic completion.

Once Matt and Sona join in with their own sexy voices, it is clear that a new source of revenue has been discovered. Like Jed Clampett firing a gun and finding oil, the crew at Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend stumbled on their own way to get liquids bubbling to the surface.