Barry White who? Dean Martin why? James Earl Jones what? This is what you’ll be saying when you hear the deep, sultry intonations of Sir Conan O’Brien. “But Conan’s voice isn’t very deep” you’ll say. Last week you would have been right to question me. Now everything has changed!

In a recent episode of Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend, the eponymous host decided to try out a new tone of voice. He wanted to take things a bit … deeper. The results are sweat-inducing. You’ll be reaching for the nearest hand fan to cool yourself off!

“But I don’t find Conan attractive in that way.”

You’re not listening to me! Throw out all of your preconceived notions of Conan O’Brien’s voice. Those days are dead and gone and you WILL NOT get them back. The world has been fundamentally changed. The next time MAXIM releases their Top 100 Sexiest voices, the Top Ten will be Conan O’Brien. It’s that simple!

“Well, Conan talks normal for most of the episode.”

Why are you making this so difficult?! Don’t you understand?! Deep-voiced Conan is the only Conan we deserve! He’s guaranteed to put the wowzers in your trousers! You will find yourself lost in the rich, wooded forest that is his new deep voice!

Look, I’m sorry I yelled. I’m just … very excited by Conan’s new deeper, stronger voice. But I’ll be cool! I swear. Totally normal. I won’t make it weird … … … I’ll just be over here, listening to Conan’s deep voice … on repeat.

Andrew lives in NYC. You can follow him on Twitter.