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Capitalism: God's Way of Determining Who is Smart and Who is Poor

By Dustin Rowles | TV | January 21, 2011 |

By Dustin Rowles | TV | January 21, 2011 |


“That’s before he started using his name as a pun. It makes me so Changry!”

“I agree with brown Jamie Lee Curtis.”

“Oh, he apologized. I guess that completely unbangs that stripper.”

“He’s thirty-something, I assume. He has a landline and uses the word ‘album.’”

The Office

“My resolution is …. ‘Meet a loose woman.’”

“The day shift. At a strip club. You can’t unsee that.”

“My goal was to learn a new word every day. And I must say, it’s going immensely.”

Parks and Recreation

“I’m usually not one for speeches so …. goodbye.”

“Capitalism: God’s way to determining who is smart and who is poor.”

“Fishing, not for meat. But for sport. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.”

“Would you be cool doing things that a prostitute does? Minus the money.”

“Every time I look one of these kids in the eyes, and he calls me coach. That’s how I know that I’m a coach.”

30 Rock

“Who wears shoes on a beach … Only Rocky and Apollo Creed during a training montage.”

“You have no reflexes. Your blood tastes like root beer. And some of your bones seem to have disappeared.”

“Who will raise my kids if I’m not around to pay someone to raise my kids?”

“I’ve been to a rodeo, too. It was a cat rodeo. In a gay guy’s apartment.”

“Do you and your wife ever fight … Not all the time. After her hysterectomy, she was in a coma for a while.”

“My alarm clock didn’t go off because it died in a cock fight last night.”

“Don’t think for one second that this means we love you less. Know that it knows that.”

“It was my imitation of Drew Barrymore’s impression of that crazy lady.”

“Do you have any meth … or meth?”

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.