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Can We Talk About How Weird Last Night's 'New Girl' Was?

By Vivian Kane | TV | November 12, 2014 |

By Vivian Kane | TV | November 12, 2014 |

New Girl has had a pretty hit-or-miss season, which is not unusual for a show in its fourth year. This season has had a lot of great moments (like most of last week’s “Background Check”, or the stoned cop party B plot of “Dice”), as well as a lot of unfunny nonsense (the Dice plot line of “Dice”). But last night’s “Goldmine” was a huge step backward for the show, in terms of, well… everything. Let’s dissect, shall we? (It won’t be hard, there weren’t a lot of layers here.) The episode had three separate story lines:

1. Nick and Jess are having a hard time finding new partners who don’t have a problem with the fact that the exes live together. In order to help “Mama get her biscuits” (read: Jess do dirty stuff), Nick pretends to be gay.

2. Winston comes to the end of his “long game” with those hot neighbor women we saw that one time and then never again.
Meaning he’s been doing chores for them and now wants to bang.

3. Cece reveals that all the women in her family have back pain, and is therefore considering getting a breast reduction. Schmidt loses his shit.

It’s amazing that in all of this, the least cringeworthy element is Nick’s gay alter ego, mostly because he refuses to succumb to stereotypes.
Their story line was borderline a lot of things, but ultimately pretty damn funny. The same can’t be said for the other two. Let’s take a look at Schmidt. He has a long history of being The Worst, but redeeming himself through his pitch-perfect delivery of every single line and his over the top reactions to whatever the rest of the gang is doing. When he veers away from the rest of the gang, especially when he veers towards Cece, weirdness happens. I mean seriously, a whole episode dedicated to mourning the potential loss of your ex-girlfriend’s breasts (for the sole, totally selfish reason of her own comfort )? Both those characters deserve better.

And finally Winston. Who ends up sleeping with Alexandra Daddario (score!) after she loses a round of rock-paper-scissors (oh). Because someone has to pay him back for all the lightbulbs he’s changed. Gross.

Come on, New Girl, you’re only four seasons in. Maybe that was more than you were expecting, but you can’t be out of episode material yet. In the words of Nick Miller,