The last few weeks have been miserable at work, forcing me to stay in the office into the wee hours doing my lawyering thing. No bueno. But in the evenings, at least I was able to fire up the SlingPlayer and watch me some TV while working. Mostly a good thing. Except for this — over the last two weeks, for the first time in years, I watched the “American Idol” results show live. And holy balls of Christ. Two weeks ago, it was bad, and I was mad at myself for ever watching the show. But last week, it was a fucking train wreck, and I was mad at the whole world.
I also decided later that night, while groggily reading government pleadings, that I was done with “American Idol.” And I figured I’d probably write up a nice long rant on the site about why.
But now I don’t have to, because my work has been done for me. See, here in LA, there’s a radio morning show called Kevin & Bean. I religiously love me some Kevin & Bean and could wax poetic about it for hours. But I particularly love Ralph Garman, the show’s entertainment reporter and “voice” guy. In part, it’s because he’s a funny bastard. In part, it’s because he’s a die-hard Eagles fan. But in largest part, it’s because, like many of us what hale from Philly, he’s got a deep, dark rage hidden within in his the bowels of his soul. It doesn’t peek out very often, but when it does, it’s good.
Anyway, last Thursday, Ralph announced that he, too, was quitting “American Idol.” And his rant pretty much covers the reasons I’ve quit, although he’s left out one big one for me — the singers fucking suck. I’ve been bored even with the performance show and, I’m sorry, but that gothy-wannabe-douchebag Adam may have a good voice, and will probably win, but he’s a flaming sack of suck. I can’t wait until the day he dies, just so Johnny Cash’s soul can kick his soul’s ass for what he did to “Ring of Fire.”
Anyway, in the ultimate form of lazy criticism, I’m blatantly stealing Ralph’s rant and letting his words speak for me.
(This is pretty safe for work — it did air on the radio, after all — but you might want to turn your volume down a little as it plays awfully loud for some reason.)
As I was polishing this up, I also deleted the “American Idol” season pass from my DVR and took it off my running reminder list of new shows airing this week. And lemme tell you — I feel as healthy and cleansed as the crazy chicks out here who do those maple syrup and cayenne pepper cleanses. Only with less BMs.