10 Things We Learned From This Week's Torturous Episode Of "Game Of Thrones": Spoiler Whore and Book Reader Edition

By Joanna Robinson | TV | May 8, 2013 |

By Joanna Robinson | TV | May 8, 2013 |

Author’s Note: Hey folks! We’re back with a book spoiler-heavy “Game Of Thrones” rundown. If you’re looking for eloquent or sophisticated analysis, I suggest you head on over to TK’s superlative Monday recap. This post serves mainly as an outlet for all your pent-up frustrations at having to tip-toe around your book knowledge lest you spoil a “Game Of Thrones” newbie. So, in case it isn’t clear, IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE SPOILED BY BOOK KNOWLEDGE OR SOME INSIDER SHOW INFO, GET OUT OF HERE. SERIOUSLY, WHAT IN THE SEVEN ‘ELLS ARE YOU DOING HERE? LEAVE LEST I SIC MY DRAGON ON YOU!

Are they gone? Phew. Anything goes in the comments, folks. We’re hoping this will help curb some of your urges to spoil in the regular recap. Have at it!—JR

1. Dragonglass…FINALLY: So the Show Watchers finally got another look at the knife Samwell found last season. As I’ve said before, I’m disappointed that they excised Sam’s “slayer” moment from earlier in the season. Even if they revisit it later with Gilly and the baby in the frozen woods, the damage is done. A lot of Show Watchers are bored with Sam and think of his character as useless. I wish his bit of badassery had come sooner. That being said, as a book reader, I loved John Bradley’s performance and the bashful lullaby he sang. Also, hey, Dareon shout out!

2. “Raisin Bran”: Another problem (in both the book and show) are the neverending Bran dream chapters. I don’t know, your mileage may vary, but I found the wolf dreams sequences to be, uh, boringasf*ck. It’s not surprising that they’re difficult to translate to the screen. So here we got a little ginned up conflict between Osha and Meera. Bran’s “you’re both pretty” moment was a tiny bright spot.

It’s also interesting that they’ve basically given Jojen epilepsy. I don’t remember that from the book but Meera’s comment of “the visions take their toll” certainly rings true.

3. Well…Something’s Certainly Rising: So here’s the confirmation we’ve been waiting for that Gendry will be taking the place of Edric Storm in the show. I love love love this substitution because, as I mentioned, it will give us more Joe Dempsie. Never a bad thing. It’s also tidier storytelling.

Also, Melisandre visiting the Brotherhood Of The Traveling Pants (h/t Court’s husband) was fantastic. Loved her scene with Thoros and the theological discussion that followed. Paul Kaye is fantastic. So what do we think will happen to Gendry at Dragonstone? I know many have speculated that he’ll be leached but given the way he was looking at the Red Priestess, I suspect they’re in for some shadow babymaking times. Establishing his attraction to her (can he blame him?) will help put the sensual in consensual. The question is what will their shadowbaby get up to? I’d watch my back, Balon Greyjoy.

4. There’s No Joy At The Dreadfort: This here is one of the hardest plot lines for Show Watchers to swallow. Plenty of folks have guessed the identity of the torturer and for Book Readers the answer seems easy. (“Look at the Bolton banners!” they say. “He flays Theon’s pinky! Which House likes flaying?!” they cry. “He’s blowing that damn horn from Season 2 and Roose Bolton who was not a main character at all last year casually mentioned he would send his bastard to Winterfell!! IT’S SO OBVIOUS!”) It’s not though, guys. It’s not if you haven’t read the books and don’t know what to look for and didn’t pay any attention to Roose Bolton last year because why would you? Anyway, the show got all meta this week and had Theon guess along with the Show Watchers. That was a little too cutesy for my taste. But Iwan Rheon is kill-ing-it. I understand not revealing Ramsay’s identity until after the Red Wedding but I think the whole Theon plot would be a bit stronger if they had waited until later in the season to start these shenanigans.

5. They’ve Completely Changed Roose Bolton From The Books: And now he’s like my favorite character. Between this scene and the way he broke the news of Cersei to Jaime, I think he’s pretty much the funniest character on the show. I love.

6. The White Washing Of Queen Cersei: Are we meant to believe her when she says she didn’t send Ser Mandy Moore to kill Tyrion? Should we have believed her last year when she said it was on Joff’s order that all the bastards were killed? If so, then the show is majorly white washing her and painting Joffrey even blacker than the books did. I’m not sure I like that. If, however, it comes out that she was lying. Well, that’ll be interesting, won’t it?

7. Is Loras Maybe A Little Too Stereotypically Gay?: One of the Cast Of Kings listeners mentioned their distaste for the way Loras is being portrayed on the show and it started to give me doubts. I was a staunch defender of the more explicit sexual relationship between Loras and Renly but it’s true that in the book Loras is a bit more of a badass fighter. That’s something they conveyed in seasons 1 and 2 but this year he seems to be all brocades and fringed sleeves. Wouldn’t it be more interesting to have a gay character who’s not such a stereotype? Just a thought.

8. Rose Leslie Is The Only Thing Keeping Me From Actively Hating The Jon Snow Plot Line: Kit Harrington is not delivering, but Rose Leslie’s show Ygritte is even better than book Ygritte. It was an interesting twist to have Orell cut their climbing line. It added even more drama to the climb, highlighted Ygritte’s point about how she’s the only one who cares of Jon Snow lives or dies and was close enough to the Orell bird attack from the books to make it all work. But the sappy smooch-y ending? I was not a fan.

9. What Do We Make Of This?: Melisandre says to Arya: “Brown eyes, blue eyes, green eyes. Eyes you’ll shut forever. We will meet again.” “SPOILER!!” book readers cried out hypocritically. “Now we know Melisandre and Arya will meet in the book!” Well, first of all, whatever. We don’t know that for certain. The show is diverging from the book in a lot of ways. Secondly, that was a super creepy foreshadowing of Arya’s future career as a Faceless Man and dovetails quite nicely into…

10. The Massively Upsetting Parallel Between Joff And Arya: The show runners gave us some nasty visual bookends to the episode with Arya’s straw man and Ros’s grisly end. I know a lot of Book Readers hated Ros, but I don’t think anyone was standing up and cheering this bit of nastiness. Maybe it was necessary to highlight both the dangerously dark path Arya may be on and the brutality of Littlefinger, but it left a really bad taste in my mouth.

New Character Rundown:

1. Black Walder Frey and Lothar Frey: Not a lot to say about these two. They looked suitably grimy and Frey-like. Big ups to Tobias Menzies, however, for Edmure’s hilarious reaction.

Best Line: “A sword swallower, through and through.”

Worst Line: This whole idiotic speech. “Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail, never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some, given a chance to climb, they cling to the realm, or the gods or love. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.” Stupid.

I also don’t like how absolutely evil they’re making Lord Baelish. Where are the shades of grey here? Or the slow reveal of how he’s been behind everything all along? It’s too soon for him to be this nasty, is what I’m saying. Way too soon.

Favorite Random Image Of The Week

Archives
Episode 2: Dark Wings, Dark Words

Episode 3: Walk Of Punishment

Episode 4: And Now His Watch Is Ended

When Joanna Robinson is not busy eating figs, you can find her on Twitter, podcasting about “Game Of Thrones” or generally mucking about. Send a raven, won’t you?