Not one of the original Magicians Crew can remember Brakebills, Fillory, or even their own names. Thanks to Dean Fog, any time they get close to discovering their truth, random objects launch themselves across the room. Ember sent Margot back to Fillory to fix the problem. Alice tried to kill herself but got a cockroach instead. Elliot is an evil sexy beastie and Quintin is his ward. Julia is at Brakebills under Fog’s watchful eye. Josh, Julia, Penny, and Kady are with Marina trying to remove the spell. They all got knocked out. This team is a mess.
WHAT’S HAPPENING NOW?!
Marina — Dean Fog’s spell instantly triggers an automatic phone call that threatens any person who tries to lift the spell from the students. Marina is able to remove the hiding spell over Penny’s traveler’s tattoo. Margot takes Penny to Brakebills to convince Dean Fog to hand over the antidote for the masking spell. When Dean Fog refuses, even after 24 hours, Marina turns Dean into her homeless father. Gaunt and living on the streets, Marina steals the little bit of cash Fog has managed to collect. Then she disappears.
Todd — Who knew Todd would be important enough to get his own section, but here we are. Todd sees the interaction between Marina and Dean Fog. Fog swears him to secrecy, but it’s Todd, and he tells Julia, piquing her interest in the group chaos. Fog then tells Todd he is leaving and he’s supposed to write his memoirs. Todd’s not supposed to mention Marina at all. Todd writes down all of Fog’s horrible life deeds as Fog confesses or punches his colleagues at random.
Dean Fog — Of course, Julia isn’t going to let the only person who believes she can do magic leave without explanation. Fog explains that his “maddening Millennial students” and the things they suffered will haunt him more than any of his other decisions. He hopes Julia will be able to do what he could not and save them from the beast. In a show of restraint and incredible growth, Dean decides to accept whatever punishment Marina will dish out on him.
Later, Fog meets with his tailor and for the first time, we see Dean Fog with a woman he isn’t trying to teach or fuck. The result is the first person who sees his kind nature. She reminds him that as much as he might hate himself, he’s always loved others. That effort matters.
Julia — Dean Fog’s outpouring of support has made Julia desperate to figure out a solution. She and Todd look for a perpetual battery Fog might have finished in secret. A battery would grant them enough power to try and counteract the spell. Of course, this is The Magicians, so nothing is ever that easy. Touching the battery kills Julia several times. Over and over she shocks herself with the battery in hopes of overloading it. Eventually, it works, and the spell lifts. Fog’s charm disappears as well.
Margot — Still stuck in Fillory, Margot hopes a pond she happens upon is vodka. Instead of a stiff drink, she gets a sobering hand pulling her into an underwater cave where she meets the Lord of Fillorian Fresh Water. Lord Fresh looks like a condom and a merman had a baby. He offers Margot a birthright box. This box reveals all the details of Margot’s life in real time. If Margot touches the box, she’ll be harmed. One such declaration stated that Margot would “learn to live and rule alone.” Lord Fresh sends Margot to find Ember.
On her way, she’s captured by the King’s Guard. Flit Pickwick and Fen have been running the kingdom in her stead. By the looks of it, they’ve been doing a bang-up job. One small problem has arisen. Excess opium in the air has begun to poison some of the citizens of Fillory. Ember’s return seems to have triggered this change in the air, and now they’re all looking for Ember. When they find Ember, they face a con-artist. Bakas, the party god from last season, is throwing orgies in the street. When Margot regains her memories, she questions Bakas. He banishes her back to Earth.
Alice - Santa Claus continues to try and use talk therapy to warm Alice to him. Alice is skeptical as to whether or not she can talk to him. So, he offers her magic. A PVC pipe transports magic and messages throughout the library. A portion of the pipe sits above her bed. Alice cuts it open and uses the magic to make her cockroach travel into The Librarians office. The Librarian squished the bug, but Alice has a plan.
Quentin — As promised, Elliot has taken Quentin to Greece to flay Enyalius, the god of War. In order to summon the god, a human must capture a wild pig, slaughter it, and drape its entrails over the altar. Quentin decides he’s finally had enough and stands up for himself. Big mistake. Scary Monster Dude refuses to kill Quentin. He has no problem breaking Quentin’s bones until Quentin obeys his will. Pig cut, Enyalius arrives. His belly is also slit as Not Elliot searches for an object stolen from him. When he can’t find it, he discovers that the man before him isn’t Enyalius but a servant.
Quentin, back in his right mind, can play the creatures game a little better. He’s able to get the god to reveal that he can’t remember what’s been stolen from him, only that the object is important. Quentin’s savior complex gets the better of him. He asks the god to return Elliot once he uncovers the lost item. This sends the creature into an emotional tailspin. “You like him more than me?” the god asks. His facial expression shift from contented to deeply wounded. Not Elliot ends the conversation with a “good,” before vanishing them both to Marina’s apartment, where the majority of the crew is in hiding. “I’m not here to play,” the god warns.
Then the screen cuts to black! Damn this writing team!
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!
1. In the scope of things that are not important but are incredibly interesting, Josh’s big dick reveal ranks very high. He’s got the best weed and that good D? Josh has suddenly become amazing boyfriend material. I know, the bar is on the floor. Are y’all feeling a Josh/Fen hook up? They complement each other so well. He just wants to have fun and bring people together. Fen loves knives and ruling. Perfect couple.
2. The spell Marina put on Dean Fog only lasted a little while. I wonder what, if anything, he learned about Marina during that time? He was her dad, he was drinking, and living on the streets. Maybe we’ll learn more about this alternate timeline Marina soon.
3. Alice asks Santa if he can really use a chimney like in the stories. She’s definitely going to try and get them to The Librarian’s fireplace so they can fly out. My question is, how are they going to make it that far with the little bit of magic she has access to? Also, can Santa make anyone go through a chimney, or will he leave and have to come back for her?
4. Where on Earth is Margot, cause she was not in the room when Elliot and Quintin showed up? To that point, what the hell does Bakas want with Fillory?
5. WHO IS GOING TO SAVE THE TEAM FROM THIS JEALOUS HELLSPAWN INCEL?! I’m scared guys.
Header Image Source: SYFY