I know, I know, I know. I should stay away from the comic-book shit. Shut-up. I have a vested interest in Green Lantern. It’s like not wanting an ex to do well. And man alive, if the four minutes from the Green Lantern movie embedded below are any indication, it’s like finding out an ex-girlfriend was dating a sewer grate. Maybe all the nerds will be blinded by the bright lights, the goofy costumes, and the grotesque faces to see it, but if this is the best that Green Lantern has to offer, what we’re looking at is a massive fanboy trainwreck, a bazillion dollar live-action Saturday morning cartoon. The geeks may stick their faces in the Green Lantern bowl and lap this up, but speaking for someone who likes their characters grounded in reality, this looks like an unflushed toilet after Spinach Sunday. Like The Fantastic Four crossed with green Avatar people with a bunch of comic-book hoo-ra patriotic wisdom. Goofy fucking adolescent superhero pablum.