I’m surprised that they put “Mars” in the title of the movie, because it’s almost a guarantee that if you put those four letters into a title the movie is going to be terrible. “Ghosts of Mars”, “Mission to Mars”? I’m pretty sure that this is a causal factor, just like how ice cream sales cause murder, so just imagine how terrible “John Carter” would have been if they’d kept the title of the book. The universe would have disappeared into the subsequent singularity of suck.
So here’s the trailer for “Last Days of Mars”, which manages to borrow from every cliche in the book of science fiction, and still look fantastic while it does it:
Ok so this trailer looks good, like really good. Huh, with eloquence like that on display, I can’t imagine why I haven’t gotten a quote stuck on a movie ad yet. But I can’t help noticing that this is almost exactly the plot of Doctor Who’s “Waters of Mars”. That’s sort of unfair, because “The Doctor Did It!” is the sci-fi equivalent of squawking “Simpsons Did It!”. And I’m not saying it as a criticism so much as noting that through the entire trailer I was wondering whether the TARDIS was going to show up to save the day, or whether Liev Schreiber is going to be the thirteenth Doctor. I’m okay with either.