A Whirlygig of Nauseousness
What happens when you get some of the world’s most obnoxious celebrities (Taylor Lautner, Jessica Alba, Julia Roberts, Ashton Kutcher, Jessica Biel, Emma Roberts, Patrick Dempsey, Taylor Swift, Jamie Foxx, Queen Latifah, Shirley MacLaine, Carter Jenkins, and George Lopez), plus a few not-so-obnoxious celebrities who will have a grand total of 6 minutes of screen time (Bradley Cooper, Anne Hathaway, Jennifer Garner, and Topher Grace) and whirl them together in a 150-second trailer set to the Black Eyed Peas?
It’s called a vortex of suck, folks. Also known as Valentine’s Day.
And then get thee self to a medical practitioner, who might prescribe you some antibiotics. This shit itches … in your brain. And try as you might to scratch it, your goddamn skull will continue to get in the way. My solution? A nice back-scratcher, right through the eyeballs. It’s the only way to effectively reach that itch, and bonus! Your lack of vision will prevent you from watching the trailer again. Besides, if the stick don’t blind you, the pretty probably will.
Ding-dong funky stank: