I gotta tell you, Google Image Searching for Twilight is a terrifying goddamn experience.
Overall, I have steered clear of the madness surrounding the Twilight films. I’ve never read the books. I’ve seen the movies, but viewed them mostly as insipid blather — neither a blight on humanity, nor a symbol of true love and beauty. It’s just a bunch of terribly made, poorly acted, harebrained, mythos-ignoring pablum. But despite that, I don’t hate the films. I barely remember them. In fact, if anything, their greatest crime is being simply boring as hell.
Anyway, here’s the trailer for OMGEDWARDANDBELLA the newest film, part one of Breaking Dawn, which from what I can see revolves around a bunch of people reading wedding invitations. Which sounds awesome. No, really. The idea to film a trailer that centers entirely on people reading a fucking wedding invitation? Man, I am friggin’ hooked. BUT WAIT. Apparently Edward and that kid with the overbite get into some sort of donnybrook, and Bella bites her lip some more. And then Edward fucks a bed to death. And then Michael Sheen, dressed like Hedwig after he raided Queen Victoria’s armoire, throws some chick around? And then Blade shows up and kills a bunch of vampires. And then at the end, I think a xenomorph is gonna burst out of Bella and aliens will overrun the world and destroy life as we know it.
Like I said, I haven’t read the books.