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Milla, Kicking Your Ass in 3-D

By TK Burton | Trailers | April 5, 2010 |

By TK Burton | Trailers | April 5, 2010 |

God, this looks dumb. Perhaps not as dumb as Resident Evil: Extinction, and certainly not as dumb as the second entry, Resident Evil: Apocalypse (which — seriously — was one of the stupidest movies ever inflicted upon an unfortunate populace). I don’t know why they persist in the Title-Colon-Ominous Word trend, but it’s getting a little silly. There was no extinction in Extinction, no apocalypse in Apocalypse, and there does not appear to be anything to do with the afterlife in Afterlife.

These movies are retarded — except, as I know some of you agree — for the first one, which was actually a sharply rendered, clever and wildly entertaining bit of B-class sci-fi horror. But the latter two are just so idiotic, it’s painful to watch. They’re made all the worse by the pointless addition of the Alice-as-superhero plot. Seriously, it was cool that she was a super badass ex-government agent. There was no need for force fields and all the other stupid shit that they came up with.

Of course, this one’s in 3-D, which is always something of a tricky subject. I will say this though — at least it’s filmed using proper 3-D tech (which the certainly make a big enough fuss about in the trailer), instead of the craperiffic, piss-poor post-completion 3-D slapping on that Clash of the Titans received. I’m hoping this serves as a lesson to studios — either make a movie in 3-D, or accept that it won’t be. Don’t make the decision after the fact, because it’ll look like shit. And we’ll hate you even more.

You know what the worst thing is? Actually, I take that back — the two worst things: 1) I’m 100% certain I’m going to see this, regardless of how crappy it ends up being, and 2) based on the new trailer? It doesn’t look that bad — meaning at least it doesn’t look as bad as the last two. It’s a little bit more of a return to the look and feel of the first (decent) one. Which makes sense, since it’s being directed by the fellow who was responsible for the first entry.

Which means that, in a sick, fucked up, roundabout way, that means I’m actually interested in a movie directed by Paul W.S. Anderson. I feel… unclean.

Anyway, what do you folks think? Good? Bad? Shitty-yet-entertaining?

Oh, who gives a crap what you think.

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TK Burton is an Editorial Consultant. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.