film / tv / politics / social media / lists / web / celeb / pajiba love / misc / about / cbr
film / tv / politics / web / celeb


This Week In Inexplicable Trailers: The Midget Plays A Giant and Taken 2: The Takening

By TK Burton | Trailers | July 9, 2012 |

By TK Burton | Trailers | July 9, 2012 |

These two trailers are everything that is wrong with Hollywood. With America. With the universe.

First, the trailer for Jack Reacher, based on Lee Child’s novel, One Shot. I’m on record as stating that in the long and storied history of dumb fucking ideas, this is one of the dumbest fucking ideas on that list. The thing is, if you can strain out the Scientological whackadoodlenosity, I actually like Tom Cruise. I’ve enjoyed 3/4 of the Mission: Impossible series, I thought he was transcendent in Tropic Thunder, and Top Gun is one of my favorite gay porno movies 80’s movies. And I know that Jack Reacher is written and directed by Christopher McQuarrie, and that early script buzz has been positive. But what I don’t get is why they simply didn’t make an original movie about Cruise as a badass protagonist, instead of casting him as a character who’s supposed to be an intimidating, giant physical presence. Whatever. Here’s the trailer that debuted a couple of weeks ago, only in English this time. It’s silly, and I don’t know where the car comes from — Reacher is essentially a homeless army vet (a former MP) who has no possessions to his name. That’s yet another thing they appear to be fucking with. Swell.

Watch the damn trailer:

And then we have Taken 2, which has been nicknamed (by various media outlets) Look Who’s Taken Now, Taken It Two The Streets, Taken 2: Electric Boogaloo, and many others. It looks awful. Ignoring the fact that it’s wholly unnecessary and it not only replicates much of the plot of the original but also entire lines of dialogue, it simply looks goddamn stupid. But my commentary on the subject is, quite frankly dwarfed by the genius of the fine lads at Hijinks Ensue, so I’m going to direct you to them instead (click to embiggen):


If you don’t follow their site, I highly recommend it.

Anyway, the trailer, which is an alternate to the most recent one:

Because Grant Morrison Could Make Watching Paint Dry Great: First (sort-of) Teaser for Dinosaurs vs. Aliens | 5 Things SO Important a Mid-Level Pop Culture Blog Devoted an Entire Post to Them

TK Burton is an Editorial Consultant. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.