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They Did An All "You People" Version of Hello, Dolly That Was Very Successful

By Brian Prisco | Trailers | September 30, 2010 |

By Brian Prisco | Trailers | September 30, 2010 |

As people were clamoring to see Michelle Rodriguez punch Alamo Drafthouse wunderkind Tim League in the cojones repeatedly and violently at Fantastic Fest as part of their annual Debates, they were accosted with teaser posters for a film due out on the 70th anniversary of Citizen Kane’s release called Citizen Jane. It starred Miss Rodriguez as Charlotte Foster Jane, and was purported to be an action-movie remake of Citizen Kane where she plays an assassin hunting down the people who murdered her parents. Tagline: She’d Do Anything To Get Her Rosebud.

The teaser trailer that’s been tooling around is actually just one of the Drafthouse promos that run before their festivals — which are usually pretty ecclectically terrific. It features Rodriguez screaming and firing a machine gun in a lake of fire that appears to have come directly from Spy Kids. It’s tied in with a voiceover clip of her doing the tagline.

Fortunately, Encyclopedia /Film already did all the sleuthing for us. While there doesn’t seem to be any IMDb pages for Citizen Jane (there is a film but it’s sure as shit not this one), there is one for a film called Blacktino, which is due out in 2011. Written and directed by one of the visual effects guys for Robert Rodriguez, and starring a bunch of his crew including Danny Trejo (because, of course he is), Jeff Fahey, and my new pal Daryl Sabara. Rodriguez supposedly just joined the cast of that.

While I’m not entirely against an action-movie remake of Citizen Kane — I’ll take anything that goes that risky, who gives a damn — it smacks a little bit of Hamlet 2 viral marketing for Blacktino. Which coincidentally is a film I can thoroughly get behind. It’s a dark comedy about an overweight half-black, half-Latino nerd who only finds social acceptance among the Austin, TX drama geeks. That’s smacking directly of some Oscar Wao business right there, and frankly, I’m in. I loved the shit out of that book, and it sounds like everything I had sincerely hoped that Hamlet 2 would have been. Plus, if they’re already marketing some kind of wild ass fake movies ala “the only good parts of Tropic Thunder,” sell me tickets now.

Citizen Jane Fantastic Fest Teaser from citizenjane on Vimeo.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.