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They Call This the Robocop Trailer, But I Call It The Entire Movie In Two Minutes.

By Jodi Smith | Trailers | September 6, 2013 |

By Jodi Smith | Trailers | September 6, 2013 |

Hollywood continues the moronic tradition of giving away an entire movie in the very first trailer. Listen, dicks, if you have to tell me all of the first act just to get me interested in your turd remake? Maybe just skip the whole thing, hmm?

First of all, I’ve never seen the original Robocop and I’m fine with that. Secondly, does Gary Oldman have a second or third family that he has to financially provide for? Seriously, you can say no to some things. You and Sam Jackson don’t have to take every single role offered to you. We’ll still love you.

Third? The the end of the synopsis sounds like a sh*tty corporation’s vision statement.

In RoboCop, the year is 2028 and multinational conglomerate OmniCorp is at the center of robot technology. Overseas, their drones have been used by the military for years - and it’s meant billions for OmniCorp’s bottom line. Now OmniCorp wants to bring their controversial technology to the home front, and they see a golden opportunity to do it. When Alex Murphy (Joel Kinnaman) - a loving husband, father and good cop doing his best to stem the tide of crime and corruption in Detroit - is critically injured in the line of duty, OmniCorp sees their chance for a part-man, part-robot police officer. OmniCorp envisions a RoboCop in every city and even more billions for their shareholders, but they never counted on one thing: there is still a man inside the machine pursuing justice.

Ugh. Enjoy the trailer, you masochists!

Jodi Smith is a Senior Reporter, Film & Television at Pajiba. You can email her or follow her on Twitter.

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