I’ve got nothing but news about ninjas for you today. I know, I know. Sometimes I can be surprisingly nice. Bring me tacos please.
First off, Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick (co-writers of the immortal Zombieland) has been tapped by Disney to write the fabulously titled Cowboy Ninja Viking. I will give yuo three guesses to figure out the plot. Strangely, you’re probably wrong. But then again, you guys are morons, so you’re likely used to that.
No! It is in fact a comic book from Image Comics, with the following as a synopsis for you lazy jerks:
Duncan is the result of a secret government program to create soldiers for the war on terror. This experimental regimen conscripts people suffering from multiple personality disorder and turns them into “triplets,” highly lethal operatives possessing three distinct personalities drawing from warrior/tough guy archetypes. Duncan serves as the reader’s entry point into a complex web of espionage and violence that grows more intriguing as we are let in on exactly what’s up with Duncan, the people who want to drag him back into the fold, and the rest of the triplets that remain at large.
I can get down with that. Besides, if it follows through on it’s title, VIKINGS AND COWBOYS AND FUCKING NINJAS!!
Unrelated but related: Rhett Reese just recently published his first novel, Anxiety. You should buy it. I’m recommending it for two reasons: 1) because Reese is something of a friend of the site, having commented here a few times during Zombieland’s run, and 2) because I picked it up over the weekend and it’s pretty damn good. So there. It’s on Amazon, but only for the Kindle.
NEXT SUBJECT, ALSO NINJA-RELATED:
A title like The Warrior’s Way is pretty generic. It sounds basically like some one of those Karate Kid for cable ripoffs that are so prevalent on Saturday afternoon. It’s not the kind of title that anyone should get excited about. And truth be told, there’s about a 70% chance that the movie will actually be complete trashola.
Except that, well…
Cowboys. Ninjas. Geoffrey Rush. Danny Huston.
Aaaand just like that, I’m fucking sold. It also stars South Korean superstar Jang Dong Gun and the human husk known as Kate Bosworth. You can watch the first trailer, which amped up the ridiculous factor even more, right here.
The Warrior’s Way is about “a warrior played by Jang, who is forced to hide in a small town in the American badlands. He meets the town drunk played by Rush, and a circus knife thrower played by Bosworth, both of whom have powerful secrets.” But the really important part is MORE COWBOYS VS. FUCKING NINJAS.
Now, of course, my money’s on the ninjas, but this is Hollywood so who knows what sort of shenanigans they’ll get up to. Regardless, this looks like the very epitome of dumb fun, much like the whole “ninjas vs. special forces dudes” in Ninja Assassin was dumb fun.
Here’s the trailer:
Well? Whaddaya think?
(source: Film School Rejects)
All I know is, we’re now one step closer to the inevitable world-devouring awesomeness that would be a pirates vs. ninjas movie. Ohhhhh, mercy.