I vividly remember when the original Total Recall came out, and not because of my fine appreciation for movies based on Philip K. Dick stories at the ripe age of ten, nor because of a deep and abiding love for the acting talents of a certain Austrian. I was already deeply addicted to science fiction, what with a pile of Asimov novels busy blowing my mind as thoroughly as I had imagined possible in my decade of life, but I don’t think I even really realized that Total Recall was science fiction until I actually got to watch it some years later on a borrowed VHS tape.
No, Total Recall was the landmark cinematic event of my sixth grade class because the class asshole told a breathless crowd of us about it over and over again at recess for an entire week. He claimed that his uncle had taken him to see it. This was the same uncle that he once claimed had flown him from the Bay Area to Los Angeles to attend one of the Dodgers-A’s world series games, and flown him back in time for school the next day. We were not well schooled yet at judging the credibility of stories, but the basic alluring nugget of his tale of Total Recall was proven correct in years to come.
I speak, of course, of the three-breasted woman.
I sadly will not be available to review this film, as I will be choking to death on perverse childhood nostalgia, and be incapable of providing an unbiased opinion.