The one show I watch on the CW is “America’s Next Top Model” and I would never admit that in public. Well, what I mean is, I only watch it to make fun of Tyra and the whole idea that anyone who wins her show will be a model anywhere near the top. Ever heard of any of them? Exactly. But, guilty pleasure that it is, there are always a bunch of crazy girls who think they’re the shit, someone with a sob story about a broken home and another one crying about how her life will be nothing if she can’t be a top model. There’s a whole lot of “fierce” posing and arguing while “smizing,” as J-1 and J-2 mock and berate the contestants (both behind their backs and to their faces.) Tyra wears bad clothes, strange hair and speaks in her best affected voice as she declares the girls worthy or not. But you didn’t come in here about all that. Presumably, you want to know just how bad Sarah Michelle Gellar’s new show is. First, let me say that I was never even close to being a diehard fan of “Buffy;” I found it a little slow and stupid. (Don’t kill me, AvB!) Gellar was decent, if not a little one-dimensional. I did like Spike and his hair, Giles and even Angel (sometimes) but come on now, there were more than a few wooden actors running around that set. Watching this trailer, all I can say about Sarah is, maybe some of that old oak tree rubbed off?
The premise of “Ringers” has potential, but it also sounds like a Lifetime movie plot. Young woman witnesses a professional hit. Instead of going into witness protection, after an extremely fortuitous, unlikely event, she hides out by assuming the identity of her twin sister. You can imagine, for a minute, how the plotline could have gone either way—good or bad—and then you can watch it clearly go bad (though the phone call at the end is interesting):
The music is awful, Gellar is monotonical (yes, I made that word up), her “strikingly handsome” new husband is not handsome at all (looks like he’s had work done), but hey, Richard Alpert is pretty! And all that voiceover stuff, is she talking to herself in the mirror all that time? Who does that? Someone on Lifetime, that’s who.
This role was tailor-made for Eliza Dushku; I don’t know why Gellar took it. You can be sure it’ll be canceled by the end of the first season. But just in case that fantabulousness drew you right in and you’re on the edge of your seat, “Ringer” also stars Nestor Carbonell (“Lost,” The Dark Knight Rises), Ioan Gruffudd (W.), Kristoffer Polaha (“Life Unexpected, Mad Men”), Mike Colter (Salt, Million Dollar Baby) and Tara Summers (“Damages, Boston Legal”). It will air on the CW this fall.