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The New ‘FF8’ Trailer Features LITERAL CAR NECROMANCY

By Victoria McNally | Trailers | March 9, 2017 |

By Victoria McNally | Trailers | March 9, 2017 |

The Fast And Furious franchise has always played extremely fast and loose with the laws of reality as we know it. This is not a bug; it’s a feature. Have you seen reality lately? I’d rather watch a diverse group of indestructible badasses hurl themselves from airplanes in cars and walk away without a scratch so they can drink Coronas together like the beautiful found family they are.

Of course, we know from the first Fate Of The Furious trailer that this eighth movie is already planning to mess with family. But who could have imagined they’d mess with the natural order of things so thoroughly that CARS ARE NOW FREELY ROAMING AROUND THE CITY WITH NO DRIVERS? Guys, was this franchise a Cars prequel the whole time? Is this like Planet Of The Apes but for motor vehicles? What kind of automotive necromancy is Charlize playing with, here???

Let me explain that joke for a second: necromancers are a class of wizard who have the ability to summon or undead minions, which they can control in large mobs. Which, you know, is exactly what this looks like:


This might also be the key to how Charlize Theron brought Dom over to her side! She’s used her dark magics to make him her undead companion! What if this franchise has been a D&D campaign all along, and the amazing stunts were just really good critical rolls? I THINK I’VE CRACKED THE CODE, GANG.

Fate Of The Furious hits theaters April 14. On a related note, someone needs to invent a Fast and Furious tabletop roleplaying game, because I would be so extremely on top of that. Can I roll whatever kind of projectile-disarming tank class Dwayne Johnson clearly is?

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