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Needs More Jet Li, Less Crappiness

By TK Burton | Trailers | November 30, 2009 |

By TK Burton | Trailers | November 30, 2009 |

Can someone please explain Maggie Q to me? I mean, her American movies have been pretty much disastrous. She was somewhat charming and entertaining in Mission: Impossible III, and possibly the second-best thing in Die Hard With A Vengeance (the first-best being, of course, Timothy Olyphant). But other than that? Shit. A steady stream of cinematic shit. Balls of Fury? Seriously, Maggie. You are lovely and appear to be quite skilled at kicking ass. There must be more out there for you.

I say this because what we have here is the trailer for The King Of Fighters, based on a long-running series of video games. It’s directed by Gordon Chan, who directed the excellent Jet Li vehicle Fist of Legend (Jing wu ying xiong), and I’ll be honest — it looks absolutely horrendous. It co-stars Sean Faris (Never Back Down… oh no), Will Yun Lee (Elektra, “Bionic Woman,” “Witchblade”… blergh) and motherfuckin’ Ray Park, aka Darth Maul. The problem with Park, of course, is that he’s not really an actor — he’s a martial arts dynamo, no question, and a hell of a stunt guy, but not an actor (there’s a reason he was cast as Snake Eyes). And he looks particularly terrible here. Exhibit A:


Anyway, it looks like some sort of monstrous combination of Mortal Kombat, D.O.A: Dead or Alive, and The One. Well, you know what they say — if you’re gonna steal, steal from the absolute worst. But you’ll watch this trailer because it is howlingly bad. Because the make-up is insane, the effects are cartoonish, and there’s some scattered decent asskickery to be found. And because like me, despite things like Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever, you have a strange soft spot for Ray Park. I don’t expect this to make it to the big screen, but rather to go straight to the DVD bargain bin.

Really, only one question remains to be answered: Can it be as bad as Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li? Is that even possible? We shall see, gentle readers.

We. Shall. See.

I gotta say — I didn’t see anything in there that was potentially universe-destroying, despite what that Mr. Voice wannabe said.

TK Burton is an Editorial Consultant. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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