I guess that Jean Claude Van Damme’s uber-meta, well-received but commercially disappointing JCVD has given the man enough clout to allow him to go back to what he does best: Act horrible and carry a big foot. Now he’s writing, directing and starring in what looks like an old-school Van Damme movie, which is to say: It looks really shitty (no offense to Van Damme fans, but you might want to find a better way to battle insomnia than banging your head on concrete until you pass out).
The movie is called The Eagle’s Path (of course it is), and though Van Damme has a certain flair for running a camera up a woman’s leg, he should probably get out of the writing/directing business. Maybe try a Bloodsport reboot. Or a Universal Soldier sequel. Timecop remake? Whatever — just not this: