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The Canyons Trailer: Linday Lohan Was Paid $100 a Day to Deliver $10 Million Worth of Awful. What a Bargain!

By Jodi Smith | Trailers | July 11, 2013 |

By Jodi Smith | Trailers | July 11, 2013 |

You don’t need to lie to me. I know that you’ve been secretly waiting to see the film that is to be the crown jewel of Lindsey Lohan’s illustrious career. Just kidding! We all know Liz & Dick was her cheesematic masterpiece. Still, you’ve been waiting on the trailer for The Canyons.

I would like to explain the plot to you, but I find that this official synopsis is just stellar:

Christian is a young LA trust-fund dude who’s financing a horror film simply to keep his dad off his back about doing something with his life. He has been dating Tara for about a year — she was an aspiring actress/model who settled down with him when the reality of the business became apparent to her. She’s now just Christian’s bored plaything. Christian’s assistant Gina is casting the film with assistance from Tara. Gina is pushing Ryan, her boyfriend and struggling actor, for the lead. Unbeknownst to either Christian or Gina, Ryan and Tara were a couple three years ago. When Ryan came back into Tara’s life during the auditions for the movie, they reignited their affair. But Christian, a dangerous control-freak, finds out about the affair and starts playing cruel mind games with both Tara and Ryan, which escalate into an act of bloody violence.

To make that somewhat less confusing, you should know that Lohan is Tara, Nolan Gerard Funk is Ryan, James Deen is Christian (the trust-fund dude), and Amanda Brooks is Gina. Now you can put a face to one character and a dick to another!

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Jodi Smith is a Senior Reporter, Film & Television at Pajiba. You can email her or follow her on Twitter.