Because Only Russia Can Handle James Purefoy
Solomon Kane is an almost forgotten old pulp character from the thirties, invented by Robert E. Howard of “Conan the Barbarian” fame. Solomon bears a remarkable physical resemblance to the atrocious film version of Van Helsing committed like a hate crime by Hugh Jackman a few years back, except with the classic monsters and (hopefully) the dripping suck removed. He carries a rapier, flintlocks and even wears the same funky hat while fighting all manner of evil.
The back story is that good old Solomon was a badder than bad mercenary for Elizabeth I in the 16th century, but after meeting the grim reaper himself, reforms to Puritanism and wanders the world kicking evil’s ass. Little known fact: that’s the origin story for all the pilgrims too. “Mayflower” derives from the Dutch for “Vigilante Party Boat.”
So naturally in the systematic adaptation of every character scribbled down by anybody in the last century, they made a movie, landing James Purefoy, Max Von Sydow, Pete Postlethwaite, and Alice Krige for the project. It finished production in April … and now can’t find a distributor. So they did the only logical thing and decided to release it in Russia instead this December. The first trailer just hit the interwebs and other than the fact that it’s been dubbed into Russian, it looks kind of nifty.
Anyone want to translate? My Russian is weaker than a Saudi martini, but I think I caught “please,” “goodbye,” and “gosh that’s a big fire monster,” but that’s it.