It is the year 2215, and the Earth as we once knew it is no more.
Humanity’s failure to act as its own bulwark meant that the brand of capitalism that we birthed eventually scorched the only planet that we ever called home.
It still spins there, following the same trajectory it always has, orbiting an indifferent Sun. From a distance it can sometimes look unchanged.
Its surface is another story. The landscape lies riven and broken. Where once there were temperate zones of habitability there now lie endless dust bowls or frozen deserts. Country-sized storms ravage the land. Limitless clouds of poison obscure the sky.
What little remnants of our species still to be seen scrabble and fight for survival amidst the ruins of our once mighty civilization. Industry is dead. Agriculture is impossible. Art is a long-forgotten dream.
And yet, even in this empty armageddon, it’s a safe bet to say that somehow, someone somewhere is still probably making a fucking Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Keith Richards is still good to star in that one too.
In the meantime here’s the first teaser trailer for the next one, Dead Men Tell No Tales, coming out in 2017 and starring the returning Depp, Bloom, Rush, and the newly onboard Kaya Scodelario, Javier Bardem, and Paul bloody McCartney, because why the fuck not: