Nicolas Cage, the man for whom “eh, I think I’ll pass” is no longer in his vocabulary, has re-teamed with Simon West. I know, I know. You’re thinking, “the guy who directed The Expendables 2? Who gives a monkey buttfuck?” Because they only teamed up to make the greatest stupidawesomeridiculoulousamazeballs movie ever, the TNT/USA classic Con Air. Otherwise known as “the worst movie that I’m motherfucking proud to own.” Also, did you know that West is actually the guy who came up with the idea to adapt Blackhawk Down and persuaded Bruckheimer to buy the rights, but then he passed on the directing job and did Lara Croft: Tomb Raider? Simon West is kind of a fucking dolt.
So yeah, they made a new movie, where Nicolas Cage is a professional thief but then he goes to the clink and then gets out and he’s all good and straight and narrow but then Josh Lucas, wearing Joe Dirt’s wig and David Spade’s dignity, kidnaps his daughter and Nic Cage is all “GIVE ME BACK MY
SON DAUGHTER” and Lucas is all “FUCK THAT YOU OWE ME A BAJILLION DOLLARS” and Danny Huston, who I adore, is a cop who’s wicked unreasonable because he watched The Fugitive too many times and wants to be Tommy Lee Jones and then Malin Ackerman is there but no one really cares because Malin Ackerman sucks and then other stuff happens. ANYWAY, it’s coming out soon and here’s a trailer:
Holy fucksocks, that looks goddamn terrible.