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Oh That Statham, He's Stathaming Again: Trailer for Safe

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Trailers | April 17, 2012 |

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Trailers | April 17, 2012 |

Jason Statham stars in Safe: The Stathaming (Part Statham of the Statham Chronicles). Here’s the trailer, which appears to be the same as Mercury Rising except with more violence.

And here’s the plot summary, which is about as convoluted as you can possibly get. Honestly, I don’t know how they plan on fitting in all this logic amidst the Stathaming:

A second-rate cage fighter on the mixed martial arts circuit, Luke Wright lives a numbing life of routine beatings and chump change…until the day he blows a rigged fight. Wanting to make an example of him, the Russian Mafia murders his family and banishes him from his life forever, leaving Luke to wander the streets of New York destitute, haunted by guilt, and tormented by the knowledge that he will always be watched, and anyone he develops a relationship with will also be killed.

But when he witnesses a frightened twelve-year-old Chinese girl, Mei, being pursued by the same gangsters who killed his wife, Luke impulsively jumps to action…and straight into the heart of a deadly high-stakes war. Mei, he discovers, is no ordinary girl, but an orphaned math prodigy forced to work for the Triads as a “counter.” He discovers she holds in her memory a priceless numerical code that the Triads, the Russian mob and a corrupt faction of the NYPD will kill for.

Realizing he’s the only person Mei can trust, Luke tears a swath through the city’s brutal underworld to save an innocent girl’s life…and perhaps even redeem his own.

You know what else can memorize a priceless numerical code? Every computer, cell phone, and tablet in the world. Remember a few years ago when the DeCSS code went public and the movie industry kept suing sites to get it taken down? Patenting an alphanumeric string doesn’t work too well when it gets cut and pasted into a hundred thousand different comment threads. But that’s okay, one Statham works as well as a million websites. It’s an official metric conversion of resistance.

My theory about Jason Statham involves Gene Roddenberry. See, Roddenberry explained that it was fine for Picard to be bald despite the inevitability of being able to cure baldness by the 24th century, because by that time people wouldn’t care anymore. Statham is the engine for that progress. He is making baldness acceptable one broken arm at a time.

Steven Lloyd Wilson is the sci-fi and history editor. You can email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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