Ready?

Matthew MacFayden, who rocks my shit in “MI5.”

Juno Temple, who simply fucking rocks.

Milla.

The fight choreography looks decent.

Ray Stevenson

Now, the trailer:

Those five reasons are not enough to save this disaster.

Yes, this apparently takes place in some sort of alternate universe where everyone knows kung fu and there are flying airships and Orlando Bloom’s hair DEFIES THE LAWS OF GOD HIMSELF.

Discuss.

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TK Burton is an Editorial Consultant. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.