It’s becoming apparent that Garry Marshall won’t stop until he’s turned every major (and maybe not even then) holiday into a celebrity-stuffed blockbuster of mediocrity. Look, I absolutely love Love, Actually, and I hate when it gets lumped in with crap like this. But I DO understand that even for those of us who genuinely like the movie, it did pave the way for these crap mosaics of vignettes based around saccharine holiday schmaltz. So riding that boring wave of Valentine’s Day and New Year’s Eve, we now have Mother’s Day. And oh my god does it look like a turd of a film.
This looks like a Jimmy Kimmel sketch at best, but everything I see is insisting that it is a real, actual movie that is going to play in every theater in your town. Do you want to spend Mother’s Day watching Jennifer Aniston learn what “freeballing” is? Which cliche here excites you most? Is it the mother who regrets giving up her career? Is it the career woman whose haircut is designed to tell the world at first glance “I’M NOT MATERNAL”? Oh, I know! It’s the dad who can’t say the word tampons, right? Whatever storyline you’re into here, we’re clearly seeing all of it. Oh, were you curious to find out if the girl ever finds her birth mother? GOOD THING WE SEE THAT MOMENT IN THE TRAILER. It’s not a great sign for a feature-length movie if they can’t fill a two and a half minute trailer without showing us every storyline to completion.
Also, this trailer is a master class in How to Waste Your Cast. Because yes, some of the faces here obviously have it written into their devil contracts that they will appear in any and all crappy rom-coms with a big enough budget and short enough time constraint. Kate Hudson, Julia Roberts, Jennifer Aniston: these people make sense here. But then you throw in Margot Martindale, Sarah Chalke, Jason Sudeikis, and Timothy Olyphant and I’m suddenly VERY ANGRY at being even slightly tempted to watch this.