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Look, Pants! New Immortals Trailer Crushes Those Nasty Comparisons To The Banana Hammock Sausagefest That Was 300

By Joanna Robinson | Trailers | August 16, 2011 |

By Joanna Robinson | Trailers | August 16, 2011 |

I know, I know. My expectations for Tarsem Singh’s Immortals are waaaay too high. You’re much smarter with your wary cynicism. We’ve been burned by Troy, scarred by Kingdom of Heaven, maimed by Clash Of The Titans and afflicted with confusing, sweaty dreams about 300. Did I just watch a porn? IN IMAX? I’m pretty sure I did. Anyway, I’m clinging fast to my hopes for Immortals for two reasons. 1) My childish weakness for Greek mythology. 2) Tarsem Singh’s The Fall is the most visually entrancing film I have ever seen in my life. You know how some folks feel about Avatar? That it blew their tiny minds? That’s how I feel about The Fall. I could watch it one hundred times and never cease to be amazed.

So take my extreme bias into consideration when I say I think this trailer looks incredible. Also, as io9’s Meredith Woerner pointed out, in using John Hurt as the narrator, Singh dredges up all manner of warm squishy feelings associated with Jim Henson’s “The Storyteller” series.

Fine, things look a little steamy between Henry Cavill (Theseus) and Luke Evans (Zeus, emmm, technically uncle to Thesesus), and okay, sure, the pants look like they’re quickly exchanged for a Greece-y kilt and greasier thighs. And was that a jauntier version of the Inception foghorn towards the end of the trailer? But, still, I have faith. Faith in Singh and faith in Mickey Rourke (lalalalalala, Iron Man 2? I can’t hear yoooou). I have faith that the Twilight kid as Poseidon (technically Theseus’s father) won’t be given too many lines. I have faith that the luminous Freida Pinto might be worth the price of admission alone. I have a lingering fondness for Stephen Dorff can either be blamed on Blade or that one Aerosmith video. And, honestly, the godly smack downs look phenomenal. Athena is chewing *ss up there and Ares’ spiky helm is made for evisceratin’. So, yeah, I’m excited. Deal with it. Film opens November 11th.

Oh, and if you’ve never watched Jim Henson’s delightful “The Storyteller” series, you’re missing out. The dog is voiced by Brian Henson at his Hoggle-iest and John Hurt eats nitwits like Shelley Duvall for breakfast. Here’s a little taste.

Joanna Robinson is looking forward to having her hopes dashed…again. It never gets old.

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