Hello, my bright and pretty things! I am back from a lovely vacation, where I spent the days lazing about on the beach, eating too much, drinking without thought or consequence, and enjoying the company of my wonderful family. It was three weeks of absolute paradise, sunny days and gorgeous nights. It was fantastic, and even though I’ve returned to a rather dreary New England, I’m still basking in the afterglow. It’s given me a new lease on life and a new, positive outlook. It’s made me appreciate things a little more, and made me think that perhaps — perhaps — I’ve been unkind towards you gentle readers in the past. Undeservedly so.
So I’m going to try to be a little more positive, and a little less rude, in my future endeavors on the site. Plus, Dustin says that it’s not particularly effective to berate the readership. Anyway, I’m pretty excited to be back and writing again, and I figured I’d just write that little intro, and then tackle this next trade news assignment. Let’s watch it together, shall we?
You. Worthless. Whores. Seriously? Seriously? I go through all that fucking bullshit up there and then I get stuck with this pile of walrus shit? A girl named Lol? PLAYED BY MILEY FUCKING CYRUS? I hate you. Every single one of you miserable, worm-infested fucking pukes who make me suffer through this goddamn morass of shit every day. You rancid pigs-snout-sucking fucking fetid stinking soulless braindead shitfucking twatbiters. I hope a manure truck jackknifes in front of you and buries you in shit until you fucking choke on it, and then your house burns down. THERE IS A MOVIE CALLED LOL AND NO ONE IS FUCKING ANGRY ABOUT THIS? To make matters worse, it purports to be about “the time in our lives when we discover what we stand for.” Really? At 15? I wish the younger generation would spontaneously combust and take everyone else with them.
Fuck you, fuck Dustin, and fuck this fucking pile of fucking crap.
To quote the great Janine Melnitz: I’ve quit better jobs than this.