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Kirk Cameron Knows How We Can Make It Through America's Current "Growing Pains": Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children?!

By Rob Payne | Trailers | February 13, 2012 |

By Rob Payne | Trailers | February 13, 2012 |

Once upon a time, those who railed against the United States’ slow march toward progress relied on the Post-WWII-Pre-Vietnam era idealized in “Leave It To Beaver” and subverted in Pleasantville. The last few years have seen that idealized past travel back in time to an even more distant golden age: the Revolutionary War. Of course, golden ages (not to be confused the Gilded Age) have existed since the dawn of recorded history — look no further than the ancient Greeks who looked back longingly on the Age of Heroes in their mythic past. It’s just naturally part of the human condition to think of earlier days as somehow better and more righteous than our current times, which always seem to be leading us irrevocably toward destruction.

According to the trailer for his new (ahem) documentary Monumental, Kirk Cameron, the former star of the Left Behind movie adaptations, seems to believe that we must actively try to replicate those heady, freedom-loving days in the summer of 1776. To reset our morals (and, presumably, our laws) to the first few moments after the birth of our nation. You know, back before women could own property, much less vote; when blacks were still bought and sold as slaves, even by those who wrote and signed the Declaration of Independence; before westward expansion brought America into contact with Asians and Hispanics; and long before the second-wave of European immigrants reached the shores of the original 13 colonies. Maybe even back as far as when “We, the People” still only meant Pilgrims with buckles on their hats.

Cameron likes to keep his emphasis on improving the country for children (who are our future), especially his children. So, he doesn’t come right out and say that America sure was better when it was a bunch of God-fearing Anglo-Saxons and nobody else, once the problem with the native “savages” was dealt with, but the implication is clear. It always is. But, don’t just take my word for it. See for yourself:

And, here’s the Monumental poster, wherein Cameron shows you how serious he is by channeling his inner Nicolas Cage:

I’m fairly certain what he’s doing to the flag up there is technically illegal. As an added bonus, here’s Cameron discussing his introduction of the movie at CPAC with MSNBC reporter Martin Bashir:

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Again, as Dennis Reynolds would say, it’s the implication.

If you’re unlike me, however, and Kirk Cameron has moved you deeply, stirred some forgotten loins in your soul, then you might be able to find Monumental in a theater near you starting March 30. Three days before that, on March 27 if you’re terrible at math, there will be a special live event brought to you by Fandango, the very same good people who bring us live Rifftrax shows. So, you at least know that the screening will be good, if not its actual content.

Rob Payne also writes the indie comic The Unstoppable Force, tweets on the Twitter @RobOfWar, and his ware can be purchased here (if you’re into that sort of thing). He expects this movie to have as much effect on the 2012 Presidential election as Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11.

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