No one outside Barack Hussein Obama divides the Internet like Will Ferrell and Kevin Hart. Their massive loyal fanbases are the real-world embodiment of Snowpiercer’s cricket-meat-devouring peasants, eager to gobble up whatever dreck the two shovel into multiplexes regardless of quality. Meanwhile, their detractors are frantically forwarding the trailer for the duo’s new film, Get Hard, to anyone remotely resembling a North Korean with hopes that Kim Jong Un decides this is the next cinematic atrocity to merit terrorist threats.
The setup is ripe for comedy: an excess-peddling Wall Street type (Ferrell) sentenced to 10 years for fraud needs someone to prepare his beatable, rapeable ass for prison. Enter Hart (through a cat door, probably). Predictable, groan-inducing hijinks — mock riots, false bravado, Ferrell draped in an 80s-style thug outfit — ensue.
Despite the promising premise, the jokes feel staler than whatever analogy I’m about to make involving old bread. Ferrell’s prison nickname is “Mayo?” I hope it’s because his character drives miracle whips rather than the fact that he’s a pasty white person (spoiler: it’s the second one). Hart can’t see the roof of an SUV without jumping up and down? Oh, because he’s short. Right. WATCH OUT VEEP; GET HARD IS COMING FOR YOU! Guarantee this ends with Hart committing a petty crime so he and Ferrell can serve time together. After all, nothing screams friendship like voluntarily forsaking your freedoms to shit in a seatless toilet while your cellmate pretends not to watch.
The trailer does have one redeeming quality, though. See if you can find the gem.
Get Hard opens March 27, 2015 and stars Ferrell, Hart, Allison Brie and T.I. It will make eight zillion dollars.