Once upon a time, I wrote a Pajiba Storytellers piece about the legends of a lost Roman legion that found its way to China. It seems that we have some readers in the Chinese movie industry, because a movie based on exactly that legend has been made there and is the most expensive movie (at $65 million, things are a bit cheaper there) in Chinese history. Obviously, my article caused this, because that’s exactly how cause and effect works. That’s just basic science.
Fate, as dear Morpheus told Neo, has a sense of irony though. Because the movie looks so terrible that I can only imagine it will actually cause the fall of the Chinese Communist Party and usher in a new age of hypernationalism and land wars in Asia.
Here’s the trailer:
The Chopstick Brothers?
And yes, that appears to be John Cusack, Adrien Brody, and the immortal Jackie Chan, all presumably thinking about what glorious new remodels and yachts will be made possible by their involvement in this catastrophe.
And this throbbing bit of overacting: “His crime was taking the place in your heart meant for me.”
Um, hey buddy, leave something for the slashfic writers to handle, will you?
Dragon Blade will be released on February 19th in China, though amazingly there is not yet a plan for any American release.