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John Carter Trailer: I Dunno If There's A Set Of Abs On Any Planet That Can Save This Goofy Looking Flick

By TK Burton | Trailers | December 1, 2011 |

By TK Burton | Trailers | December 1, 2011 |

So before we go any further, I should just fess up: I’ve never seen “Friday Night Lights.” It’s on a long list of TV shows that Dustin incessantly badgers me about seeing that I just never seem to get around to. So I don’t know much about Taylor Kitsch beyond his unfortunate turn as Gambit in the putrid Wolverine movie. I’m trying not to hold that against him.

Now, he’s been given a starring role in the adaptation of Edgar Rice Burrough’s John Carter of Mars, which has been shortened to simply John Carter. wherein he plays a Confederate soldier who is mysteriously transported to Mars (called “Barsoom” in the Burrough’s series of novels) where he finds himself a would-be savior. The first trailer premiered a few months ago, and now there’s a new one that’s heavy on the CGI. It’s a little too Phantom Menace-y for my tastes in some parts, but it appears to be pretty epic in scope — unsurprising, since it’s got a rumored budget of around $250 million. Yikes. Disney is pinning a pile of money on it, and I have to admit, based on this occasionally goofy-assed looking trailer, that may not have been money well spent (Steven recently described the images as an outtake from Prince Of Persia).

Oddly, it appears to spoil a relatively important gladiatorial battle right off the bat.

It’s got most of the tenets of the novels in there — Princess Dejah Thoris (Lynn Collins), a mess of four-armed Martians, desert landscapes, the whole enchilada. The film is directed by Andrew Stanton (Wall*E, Finding Nemo), and it’s got a wicked supporting cast, including Willem Dafoe, Thomas Hayden Church, James Purefoy, Samantha Morton, Polly Walker, Dominic West, and Mark Strong. But… I’m just not feelin’ it. I’m not saying it might not be fun, but not the epic extravaganza that the Mouse is hoping for.

Whaddya think?

TK Burton is an Editorial Consultant. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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