Hey, you guys! Remember this movie? Originally called Jack The Giant Killer, directed by Bryan Singer, stars that kid who played Beast in Austin Powers Awkwardly Dry-Humps The X-Men, or whatever the hell it was? Well it’s still happening! And now it has a real trailer.
The film is, and I’m projecting here, but I’m guessing that some hack producer sold it as a “new, hip, gritty, fun take on “Jack And The Beanstalk” that’ll net us all blowjobs and yachts!” Because seriously, a full-length movie about “Jack And The Beanstalk” is the dumbest goddamn idea since a full-length movie about “Hansel And Gretel.”
Except there’s a thing. A rather strange thing.
It’s got this cast, see? Nicholas Hoult, Ewan McGregor, Bill Nighy, Ian McShane, Stanley Tucci, Warwick Davis, Eddie Marsan, and Ewen Bremner. I mean, Jesus. That’s some casting there. And, I mean, it’s Bryan Singer, and he’s got some skills, and a script by Christopher McQuarrie. And then there’s this trailer. It doesn’t look great, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t actually look like a hell of a lot of fun. There’s clever lines and lots of smashy-smash, and you guys KNOW how I love me some smashy-smash.
I feel weird.
Take a look:
Frankly, I’m just pissed because now I can’t use my “Fee Fi Ho Hum” header idea.