The Silent Hill series of video games are a slow burning exercise in imagery and imagination so psychologically screwed up that they could make Ryan Murphy make nothing but Care Bears spin offs for the rest of his life. And the series boasts one of the truly good video game adaptations to film, 2006’s Silent Hill, which sadly made a fraction of the interminable and interchangeable Resident Evil movies. But, Silent Hill is getting a sequel of its own, and this time they’ve brought Boromir along for the ride.
Here’s the plot summary:
When a young woman (Adelaide Clemens) loses her father (Sean Bean) to mysterious supernatural forces, she must descend into the bowels of hell to find him and discover her true identity in this follow-up to the 2006 adaptation of Konami’s Silent Hill video-game franchise. Solomon Kane’s Michael J. Bassett directed from his own script.
Wow, what marketing genius thought that dropping the name Solomon Kane was going to help this sell? That’s like putting “Certified Marsupial Molester” in bold face at the top of your resume.
And here’s the teaser trailer, which requires you to state your age. I’m sure underage kids are stymied by such questions, but I told it I was born in 1929 just to throw them off tracking my real identity.
Yeah, that’s not creepy so much as just uninterestingly weird. See, this is why Boromir said that you don’t simply walk into Mordor. This happens to you.