Yesterday was not only the anniversary of Elvis’s alleged death, but it also happened to be my birthday, which led a friend to post this well-wish on my Facebook Wall: “Today is the day you exited a vagina. Never forget that.” Technically, I’m a C-Section baby, but her point remains the same — vaginae are people, too, and as such they deserve the same rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness that everyone else does. It’s one of the why’s of vagina-rhymed Pajiba. Well, today happens to be the twelfth anniversary of my cousin’s birth, so to honor he and his mother, even though they’re also C-Section survivors, I bring you the trailer for a film that he is far too young to watch. Or, at least, get. Hopefully.
It isn’t official or anything, but I’m calling Hysteria Maggie Gyllenhaal’s spiritual sexquel to Secretary, with a motorized feather duster replacing James Spader. Sort of. You’ll see when you see:
Its thematic connection of female sexual awakening and lead actress aside, Hysteria really looks to be a sex farce about how the rise of ladypart vibrators awakens both women and men to the joys of sex-equality. (Sexy quality?) Despite the movie’s Oscar Wildean aspirations, which surprisingly may not stem from the original stage play (that I have on good authority — Tony awards, Joanna Robinson — was quite excellent with a different tone), it appears to travel The Road to Wellville instead.
The respectable cast also includes Jonathan Pryce, Hugh Dancy, and Rupert Everett as the males who stole the metaphorical fire from the allegorical gods, bestowing it upon the grateful womenfolk. I wonder if, in its own way, that narrative is any more or less sexist than the premise of The Help may or may not be racist? Even if Hysteria is based on history?
Either way, Happy Birthday, Seth!
Rob Payne also writes the indie comic The Unstoppable Force, co-hosts the internet radio show (on occasion) We’re Not Fanboys, and can be feather-dusted on the Twitter @RobOfWar. He doesn’t have anything against Road to Wellville, but Oscar Wilde is hard, y’all.