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Statham VII: The Stathaming ... Hummingbird Trailer

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Trailers | March 25, 2013 |

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Trailers | March 25, 2013 |

It’s nice that some things in the world never change. Other actors try to take on serious roles, or ones to showcase comic timing. Jason Statham doesn’t have time for that, because if he did, he might miss an opportunity to take his shirt off or kick someone in the face, and such things are not why Abraham Lincoln died to defend the Alamo from the Communists after the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor.

Here’s the trailer for Hummingbird, which I assume is what Statham’s character both moves and stings like. It’s a little known fact that hummingbirds are among nature’s most deadly creatures. Their long and slender “beak” is not actually for eating nectar, but for stabbing enemies repeatedly and drinking their blood, like the overgrown mosquito/eagle hybrid that they actually are. They escaped from Baskerville in the late eighties.

And here’s the plot summary, which was apparently written by someone being paid by the word, and double for every cliche plot development:

After witnessing his unit ripped to shreds by artillery fire in Afghanistan, Joey Jones (Jason Statham) has been living on the streets of London, trying to forget his past and stay of out trouble. On the run from a ruthless gang, he breaks into the apartment of a wealthy man in Convent Garden and assumes his upper-class identity. Just as Joey is on his way to making amends with his friend and sponsor Sister Cristina, his pregnant girlfriend is found dead in the river. Now, Joey must use his connections in the Chinese mob to find the man responsible, stopping at nothing until justice is served. From acclaimed screenwriter Steven Knight comes an elevated thriller about a broken man with a battered past, fighting to do what’s right, even if that means breaking his own rules.

Oh come on now, that’s got more plot complexity than Shakespeare, and we’ve seen the trailer, so that lends a certain suspicion to such grandiose claims of plot. I can write a better plot right here (which I think I wrote for a review of a Statham movie a couple years ago. The one with Clive Owen. I honestly can’t remember the name of it off hand, which says all you need to know about the movie): Jason Statham plays Jason Statham. He Stathams some evil Stathams, with Stathamesque Stathaming. Prognosis? Stathamtastic.

The film represents the directorial debut of Steven Knight, who wrote Eastern Promises and Dirty Pretty Things, and arrives in UK theaters on May 17th, though there isn’t word yet when it will arrive to kick America in the face.

Steven Lloyd Wilson is the sci-fi and history editor. You can email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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